Well its 2am in teh morning. Im at a hotel and im reallly sleepy but hey I dont wanna sleep now, damn it...mmm either way I feel rather funny...I think I could live without Yamille but I dont know for sure...maybe I could maybe not...what to do...give her a chance or be a total a*****e and let down everything we had build...technically she was the one to bring the confidence down...she betrayed my trust and that hurt me..my heart is still healing and it may take a really long time to heal completely, probably months. Need to think things thru this decision is gonna decide how my life is gonna run...with her or without her....that is the question. Its hard to answer I know but thats how things go.Im pretty damn sad Dx. But I can handle it... Its really ******** up why did she do such a thing...how come when she could had just do it with me there's no reason thats why I wanna know what she has to say for herself she is probably gonna say that it wasnt her intention but damn that is something that doesnt happen like that he must have touched her or something... got her full of lust...maybe she wanted to experiment...maybe it was all thanks to Cony after all who knows no one knows...only her...I just cant belive that she did that to me I mean I have been a great guy expecially with her I do everything for her and if I were to have given her a reason to do so I would like to know it. Imma ask her alot of questions on tuesday and from that I will know what to do...I must get over the fact that she was used by some guy maybe she wanted to be used maybe she didnt who knows..only her...damn im tired but I wanna write all im thinking but I cant ...mmm maybe I can who knows...im not even thinking about what im writing...I just need to let everything go since it hurts...I will probably wont sleep or maybe I will end up later on in the bed...I wish I was there...I wish it would had been me and then I wouldnt had to pass thru all this suffering and pain. I knew I had to go to that trip I knew it I knew something was gonna happen but whose gonna belive an 15 year old whose in love...they all probably tho I wanted to rape her or something u know adults they dont think twice into things...I know that I have been bad at times but God I wanna know why did u put such a test on me...its killing me...that guy most be happy like living his life normally while ours its crushed and in a border line..waiting to see whats going to happen so others can maintain the happiness we once had...now its left our side tho....right now I just wanna ....forget it...but it wont go away something like this cant be forgotten you can only get used to it. Live with it you know what I mean...accept the fact that happened and well things happen. Errors sometimes hurt but u gotta accept em. Sometimes we get too attached to people or things and when the time to get away from them comes...its the hardest task in ur life...I dont know if i'll function right without Yamille...thats what scares me I mean I acted/played/joked/ LIVED for her...everything was for her....its hard to accept this s**t...lol I noticed that writing all this is just making my chest hurt even more...maybee im hungry or maybe its starting to ache again im not sureno more... all I know is that this has to be the hardest test I have ever took...I mean its a question that has to be answered right or things will get bad for me...Its hard really reallly hard....DxI dont feel like writing no more...for some weird reason im going insaneeee....
· Mon Sep 04, 2006 @ 07:21am · 0 Comments