You know what really grinds my gears, as the esteemed Peter Griffin would say? When people don’t know how to behave in theaters!
The origin of this rant stems from all my various encounters with musical theatre, and if you know anything at all about me, you would know that’s a lot of experience. Yesterday night, I attended the show of “Oliver” with my father. During that time he did one of the biggest pet peeves in my book; he didn’t clap. Song after song, scene after scene, and he never clapped for the performers. And he wasn’t the only one, either. I feel that it is the biggest lack of manners you can have in live theater. I mean, imagine if you were one of those performers, and you had worked for weeks memorizing lines and learning song and dance. If you went through all this effort to perform for an audience, you’d expect them to clap, wouldn’t you? When I see someone who refuses to clap, I take it personally, because I have performed in six musicals, and I know how much work goes into each performance.
So, because of this, I am going to list what NOT to do in theaters, and you had better read it, if you know what’s good for you…
stare Do not talk during the overture. Contrary to popular belief, the overture IS part of the musical, and so you need to shut your trap when the musicians are playing. At “Oliver”, this one woman was talking really loudly during the overture, and finally my dad and I just snapped. We turned around and asked her to please stop talking during the show, and you know what she said? She said, “Yeah, I will, once it starts!” in this really annoyed tone. I wanted to slap that jerk out of the theater. Overtures are usually the hardest songs for the musicians to play, and yet they are often ignored, and that blatant disrespect really grinds my gears.
stare Turn off those damn cell phones. I mean it. This is one rule I’m guilty of disobeying, because one time during a movie, my phone went off. It’s like some law of physics: If somebody leaves their phone on, it will go off during the sad, quiet scene when the protagonist dies, every time. People forget or simply think, “Oh, nobody will call me at this time of night.” It’s not true. A single cell phone ring can ruin a play’s atmosphere for the whole audience and embarrass the person with the phone. Plus, it’s not really that hard to press a button, is it?
stare Do not leave during the bows. People leave the theaters during the final bows all the time, and it’s really disrespectful. When they leave, they’re sending the message to the cast, “You’re performance wasn’t all that good, so I’m going to leave and do something better with my time than waste it clapping for you.” Don’t forget, this is a live show; the actors can see you. When you’re at a performance that ends at ten o’clock at night and you leave early, I just wonder, “What the heck are you missing?” All the bars and clubs are closed, so there’s really nothing better to do. Anyway, you spent at least twenty dollars buying a ticket for a live show, so don’t you want to savor the experience, and get every minute’s worth?
stare Do not stampede. This is similar to the last point. People stampede out of the theater as if the whole place was infected with the plague. For God’s sake, people, just take your time! They think that by rushing, they will avoid the traffic, but it isn’t true. Post-theater traffic is unavoidable, so just get over it. Also, this behavior is simply dangerous. People of all ages go to the theater, and many old people can’t run that fast. If you don’t want to deal with the downsides of live theater, you should just rent a movie and stay home instead.
So for the good of everyone, just sit there, listen to the orchestra, and make sure you clap when they’re done.
Or else…
Hlessirah Community Member 
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