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I'm hungry. But I can't be hungry because, heaven forbid, when I eat, I'll consume CALORIES.

I hate diets. And do you know what I hate even more? I'M NOT ON ONE! But everyone who is makes me feel guilty, and "Oh, but your health" and they Worry about me, oh, poor Octavia, she's going to get fat then have a heart attack, aww.

BULLSPIT! Here's a little hint, folks, I don't care about weight. If I weighed 600 pounds, I'd be panicking. If I weighed 200 pounds, I'd be concerned. I weigh 140. I don't effing CARE about dieting.

That's right, I said it. I don't care how much fat, calories, carbs, sodium, sugar, or nutrients are in the things I eat. Why? Because I don't eat too much, and I get a bit of excerise every now and then. So why starve myself when I can LIVE, and eat food. Not the disgusting Atkins dogshet, real, tasteful, delicious FOOD. I'm not a rabbit, I can't survive on lettuce and water! I need real food, demnit!

I bet you wonder what any of this has to do with the Subject. It doesn't really, I just like that song. "Daniel", by Elton John.

Anyway..

DIETORS ARE SATAN'S MINIONS. The try pushing their diets on other people, they're all self righteous and proud because they dropped from a size with three digits to size 0!

Speaking of, I hate those prissy skinny arsed betches. I'll tell you now, I have no shame. I have a big butt. Not gelatanious "Oh my gawd I'm sinking!" butt, but I've got curves. I'm not a pencil. While I'm glad of this,

It Presents A PROBLEM...

The problem? Elementary, my dear Watson. Finding pants that fit. Girls' pants' sizes are confusing. You can never find a size that fits, but when you do find one you can pull up, it doesn't button, or it won't fit over your but, or - heaven forbid - It's baggy. Baggy pants suck the root.

Also, this is why I love Emo Boys. Oh, the tight pants.. The whimsical, magnet.. Pants.. They call to m-

Ahem.

As I was saying, it's REALLY hard to find pants that fit over my gluteous maximus. And All the skinny girls think their the shiznet because ANY size will fit them and look good. But I hate them. Why? I'm not jealous. Hell no. I hate 'em cause they think they're better than me. Hmmph. They aren't.

I want to bring closure to this little rant, but I don't know how.

OOH. I know.