I started my medication yesterday. It's too early to tell for sure, but I feel like I am already sensing a difference in my behavior. Last night we had some takeout for dinner, and for like, the first time in forever, I couldn't finish my meal. Not even the meat, and I never let meat go to waste! It wasn't like I felt sick or anything, it was just like my body decided I had eaten enough and I didn't over-indulge.

Today is my second day on medication. I didn't sleep well, but that is nothing new. I slept in the guest bedroom because I was too hot and was having a hard time cooling off, despite the indoor temperature being 66 degrees. I had a nightmare, but I can't recall what it was now. I dreamed earlier this week that I was in a school shooting situation, but the killer only wanted me, who was the only person left in the building after an evacuation. I remember jolting awake and gasping, remembering the last thing I saw was a masked person raising his gun and aiming at me.

On a (much) better note though, I feel like I am seeing the world for the first time, after being gone for a very long time. I have torn the veil that lies over my mind, and the haze is starting to clear. I feel sharper, more alert, like I can get my thoughts to form a little faster, make connections easier. The real Bailey is peeking out, and I am hoping that she makes a return, permanently.


Lilo and Pabu had a good vet appointment yesterday. They both gained a pound and are at a healthy weight. I start them on a monthly treatment today, making sure I give them the best care possible. I love them so much, and Pabu is... well he's basically my companion. He follows me everywhere, hooking his tail around my leg-which is his form of a hug. He loves to be held like a baby, and if I am laying down, he demands to lay on my chest. Hell, even when I am sitting up, he climbs my chest and tucks himself under my chin. So cute, but he won't be like that for awhile, since I have to start flushing his ears and giving him ear drops for the next two weeks. He'll be a little hesitant to be vulnerable around me once I start that.

I hope to post more soon. I think this has been helpful, typing out my days and using this time to analyze myself. I still have yet to schedule a time to meet with a therapist, but I want to give my medication time so I can acclimate and see how I change. Here's hoping everything turns out well!