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Just another day in paradise...
my brain and heart cannot commit to my commands
******** you Heart!
That's all.

Wished you back off
so I can breathe normal!

I cant handle this.
I really cant.

The last time I held
my heart at bay was
when I wanted to go
back to a mentally abusive
ex but my home girl
made me not and had me
reframed from seeing my ex.

Who would ever known that
it's this hard to back off of
someone on your own.

I could really use a girl night out
till my heart stops loving you
and missing you like this.
I've grown attached to you
and use too being around you.

I'd never imagined that I would
become pushy or impatient
or this impulsive sometimes.

I just want to stop love completely
but that's not me if I did stopped.

Oh man, I suck at this and I'm
seriously seriously frigging

I keep finding myself curled
up in bed wondering if you ever
miss talking to my crazy a**.
I always reply to myself just
to say prolly not.
What's there to miss of me
anyways? Than I'd lay there upon
hours trying to calm my nerves
and brains down.

This, I did not expect to love
another person this much like
family or friends for life kinda level
or falling for.

I leT go cuz the damage was done
I dont know how to fix this.
Barrier Is already there.
I just wish it went back to the way
it was before I messed it up...
But I already know Its to late.
Tho I refuse to stop loving you
because I want my heart to
understand the squeezing pain
that I may learn not to be
close to anyone like this again.
Its horrible. Or that I learn not
to abuse the friendship.

I walked into this and now I'm
forcing myself to go through
the emotion mentally self control
to heal but it's so ******** high
maintenance af. Controlling th part
of me that wants to be like
going back too you like an idiot.

I always tell myself dont think of him,
dont bother missing him, and dont
talk about it but I keep having memory
flash backs of times in the past of
very funny times. I mean we did had
fun but that came to an end. I never
expected it to end at all. I was planning
on loving him forever. Now I made
myself love him quietly but
unrecognized forever.

I keep saying one day at a time.
I'd rather throw punches at a punching
bag instead 😓 I'm so stupid.

The worst thing about letting go is


I dont know how to hate someone
I truly love with my soul.

Never been in this position Before.

I can't live on hating someone
over something that's my fault.

All I know that our brains hate big fat changes
and when chages occur our brains starts
to feed ourselves to fail at our new task of goal.

Like staying away from alcohol or eating healthy
or moving on but your brain defies all of that
healthy choice because you yourself knowing
your not up for that kind of challenging
commitment. Your brain will feed you negative
information just to stir you away from what
you need.

In order for this to really work well is keeping
up with your brain and guiding and nuturing.
This is going to be a long challenge and I know it.
Come on me I can do this.

Goodness grief.

I still worry if he is okay tho.

I can do this
I can do this
I can do this
I rather cry
Eat a burger
Drink a shake
Than watch something funny
Than cry....
I can do this
I can do this
I can get through this.
Need girls day out please!

Community Member
  • [11/12/20 11:02pm]
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