It is another day and the struggle continues for me, I am not sure what is gonna happen with my job. I am scared and really hope that I do still have a job that I can go back to soon because these days are really hard. Honestly all I want to do is sleep wake up and drink. I still try to occupy my time with games and videos and everything I can but I really want to spend money now and I can't if I do not have a job. The worst part is that I sadly have so much time that I find myself sleeping more so I am not awake and thinking of her. That is the worst part of my day that work was keeping out of my head. I hate thinking of her and thinking of the past, yet I always have a part of my mind occupied by it. I can not stand these thoughts for so long they have brought nothing but pain and I hate myself and her for this.
5.22.20