(I made this journal because I had written my first entry a couple of months ago, and I wanted to make this a regular thing. Feelings change though.)
Someone opened my eyes. What I was feeling wasn't love. It was the selfish feeling of finding you attractive only for your looks. Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall, those short responses and lack of interest. I keep persistent, checking in. I want to leave, but something stops me. I've become aware that I feel nothing towards you, and the hatred seeps in slowly. This desperate feeling of wanting to be loved. It's not fair, how I feel. I have a silent hatred towards you, and all I want in return is love. I could never tell you that. I wouldn't. These feelings are all wrong. I've come to realize something. I want to be loved, but not by you. I see a new catalyst for my true feelings.
But this new person. I don't feel love yet, but I feel hope. This person had felt feelings for me. For over a year now. I've known this. But I ceased to acknowledge these feelings. That was utterly wrong and only now have I come to realize I was chasing the wrong person. Only now have I realized that sometimes someone is just wrong for you. And only now have I realized, that there will always be someone out there.
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Thoughts To A Secret Lover
Honestly to the person(s) I find attractive, just a good way to get out emotions I wouldn't be able to express in any other scenario. Or to them. Ever.