Yep Another Journal Entry, I'm Starting to doubt who I trust, Doubt Who I should know, Everyone that I talk to is so spiteful, because I feel so angry that I'm so useless, that I fail to even be as social outstanding as them, that I can't even do the right things.
Anyone that I bother to trust will simply take the only friends I got away from me, myself left alone for days, now that's what's happened, people would rather ignore me, see me as nothing but their last resort, because I'm completely Negative, too much of a issue to them, to even handle that they'd rather just leave me there.
What the hell is Friendship, what the hell is trust even, What the hell do I as a being do in this state, WHAT IN THE ******** AM I MOST TO DO.
I Don't know anything but I keep losing friends left, right, I keep ******** s**t up, I keep making things worse..Like I don't know, I don't even know If I wanna stay on gaia, Its just people mentally beating me up, I can't even take the fact that I'll never be able to stand on my own two feet, Instead of relying on people.
But I don't want anyone's help, because I always let them down. So Its why I never try to ask for help, Or why I never go to places with crowded people, because I know I'd get laughed at, or mocked, I ain't even that good of a person, but instead I fail to be someone, Its like I only exist in shadows.
So Should I exist at all? Living? I don't know I don't make the answers, Only the questions.
After everyone else has their own friends, I just don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I don't even know what I exist for, what I'm here for, like what's the point of being around if I can't even do anything at all, Sure people can hate me, laugh at me, piss me off, go ahead, It'll get rid of me quicker.
Because I don't think I want to live anymore. I don't wanna be living when I can't even do anything that's worth it, Instead everything I do, Everything I say, its a waste of time. a Lie. Just myself being laughed at because I'm being used as some human machine, just to endlessly be bullied behind the scenes.
So What should I do as a being, Just give up. That's what because I don't see any hope for me, Even if it is coming near to christmas, I don't feel any happiness. Because It doesn't exist. Because I'll never feel it.
All I feel is my own anger, That I've never shown because I've held it back, because I hate myself enough that I'd rather hide that anger, because I don't even like myself.
Yeah, I seem rather suicidial, Rather aggressive, but who can I trust? Who Can I believe? Who can I UNDERSTAND? Instead everyone that I try to talk to or make some common ground, its either "lol" Or something that's completely absurd, makes no sense.
But I guess I just don't understand anything at all, Probably never did.
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The Dragon Gamer's Journal Of Emotions.
This Journal, will Be based, On my Daily Emotions, Also Thoughts, Experiences, As well as anything I could possible think of. Yet It may a Bit too Serious, A Bit confusing. But It depends on what I think at the time.