i'm really annoyed and frustrated.
i guess the feeling started when mom overheard my conversation with Sooni (my korean aunty). She heard both sides. Afterward, mom is telling me how I should have talked to her, as if I am not a good communicator. i thought i had confirmed back to Sooni for each point that Sooni said. i replied yes. which in Korean, saying yes after someone says something is acknowledgement and agreement and an understood "i'll do something about it." or so i thought.
part of the conversation was Korean. so i don't know if mom understood those parts. perhaps i had confirmed in Korean and mom just missed it. anyway Sooni tends to repeat herself and talks about a topic about 3 times or so. so toward the end of the conversation I reiterated back to Sooni in English that I would text Ivan and tell him certain things, ask him certain things, and call her back later when I got an answer. and that i would see her on Friday. (a point that i told her last week, and that i told her 3 times today in English and Korean)
so mom is telling me i have to repeat back to Sooni everything after she says it to me.
okay. i can accept that. maybe that would be more effective.
but i feel almost gaslit.... i thought i was clear before? and she's telling me i wasn't clear.
one thread i hold on to is this -- i know i told Sooni in Korean that I really liked doenjjang stew. and she jumped around topics and came back to the stew and asked if it was ok and if i liked it. and i told her in Korean i like it, and added that it is my favorite Korean food.
so i know it was not that i did not communicate my liking it before.
am i a clear communicator?
am i unclear in certain contexts?
or is mom not a good listener? is she a bit disconnected with reality atm? (she did say to my sister that she hardly knew who she was on sunday. and she admitted that she fell in between her boxes and bookshelf yesterday (and nobody noticed. she said. well i can't notice if it was a quiet fall and i'm downstairs. you did not call for help. actually.... unless it's decently loud, it is hard to hear from upstairs to downstairs, so i've found out... a couple of weeks ago when my stomach hurt severely and i thought i might have to go to the ER, i yelled up the stairs, with thoughts of "mom will never hear me" and she didn't. if dad had not been sitting in his chair which is straight up the stairs and straight down the hall from where i was, no one would have heard me. )
i don't know. but i'm super annoyed.
and super put out with my mom lately because of her erratic, uninhibited, overly emotional, hyped-on-steroids ness.
oh and i'm annoyed that she's laughing at me for wanting to get a turkey. it's 8 days til Thanksgiving and we don't have a turkey. and i have other s**t to do besides grocery shop. and starting Saturday i won't even have time to do said s**t. because her precious grandkids will be here. for a solid week.
yeah if i run out to get groceries when they're here, i get all kinds of complaints from the kids and my mom.
i freaking hate this.
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