I read through all of the things I wrote on here, and I must say that I regret ever thinking poorly of my mom. She had her hands full with four children. Two of which battled addiction for quite some time. My sister that is closest in age to me had a really hard time with alcohol until she finally got clean 301 days ago. I myself had trouble with meth for a while. I also acted out in the worst ways. It wasn't until I moved to Ohio, from Oregon that I realized how much my mother did for me.
When I went to rehab, at the age of 16, she never left my side... Well it was inpatient so she had to LEAVE, but she always supported me. She never missed a visitors day. Ok, she did miss ONE, but she made sure that my aunt came in her stead. We went though therapy together and learned how to communicate. It was very difficult and I didnt understand why she wouldnt just leave like everyone else did. It was because she loves me and she couldn't bear to see me go down the road I was going. I resented her for a while. It wasnt until I was in rehab for about 4 months that I truly started seeing how much she loved me. I got out on my 17th birthday. It was also my golden birthday, so I got out on December 17th.
We still fought and had disagreements, and I did move out because I thought she was smothering me. She just wanted to protect me. Couldnt see me go back to the crazy things I was doing before. Yes, trouble finds me where ever I go, but it has been up to me to not let it in. I have been weak and broken down. But without my mom's unwaivering support, I am not sure if I would have made it through.
I call her often, just to catch up. I called her today to wish her a happy birthday. I must treasure every moment! She will not always be here for me and we are both getting older. She said to me the other day "we arent supposed to be this old. You should still be a kid and your oldest sister should be 21!! I cant believe how fast our lives are going by" It is true, what they say, that our lives speed up as we get older.
Now that I have my own child, I understand the meaning of unconditional love and support. My mother thought me how to give all that I have to those I cherish. Was she perfect? No, and she will be the first to admit it. I am not perfect either, and it's alright that we are not. We all make mistakes and we all stumble. It is how we react when we fall. We get back up and we help those around us.
Thank you mom, I love you more than you could ever know, I know you will never read this because you are not on here, but I just needed to get this out of my head.
PS I tell my mom this stuff often. How grateful I am for her and that I may have been dead if she hadnt gotten me into rehab. She game me life twice. When she gave birth to me and when she helped save me from the addiction that was bound to kill me.