------Hey old friend, I'm here for a couple of minutes or hours again just to tell you that I'm doing okay. I just wanna talk to you again because right now I find myself alone in 1:33am in the middle of the night. I need someone to talk to because if I don't I'll go crazy and try to kill myself again. I have people that care for me now that love me. I can't die just yet because my personal demons says so. Besides I haven't written actual words that came from inside my soul for the longest time, so now is a good time to come back.
------I'm doing great, there have been dark episodes here and there but I'm constantly reminded of how much I am loved. I often have a hard time visualizing the future but it came to me one day in one of these darker hours. I saw myself graduating college actually with my SAC family. Oh yeah I never mentioned them since. But I got into this hyper competitive audio engineering program, but they're like a second family. I love them actually, they mean a lot to me. There are thirteen of us: Simon, David, Mikaela, Francis, Diego, Emily(El), Jeremy, Umru, Sierra, Mason, Adam, Grayson and, Me. I went to my first AES show with them which is kinda like Comic-Con but for Audio Engineers. They're all super cool to be honest. I hope non of them ever find this. I could write a paragraph about each and one of them, and perhaps I will one day.
------I'm proud of myself you know, I'm proud of where I am now even though I know its still a long journey ahead. I have mended my relationship with my mom now, at least I think so. We were cooking together one day. She usually hates cooking but she admitted to me that she loves to cook with me. Cooking with me is fun she says. I'm tearing up of happiness right now because I'm proud of the progress she and I have made.
------I've started to read again, in terms of books and what not. If you can recommend me some books I'd love to read them below. I'm very peculiar though with my reading materials. I prefer realistic fiction or memoirs, things that are grounded to earth. As much as I love sci-fi and fantasy, I have a hard time visualizing non existent things. Most of the time with fantasy/sci-fi the descriptive words end up becoming jargon and fluff. I'm currently reading "Glass Castle" by Jeanette Walls right now as we speak. I'm taking a break from it. I'm pretty sure I read this back in high school but to be frank, it's a hazy memory. I do remember "writing" an essay on it. With quotations because I clearly remember it was the teaching assistant Mr. Duffy that wrote it. He's cool I kinda remember him giving me 20$ for my birthday one time back then. I hope he's doing well. But yeah the last book I read I believe was back in 2016 or 2017 with "Everything I Never Told You" by Celeste Ng. So please recommend me books.
I've ran out of things to say... Until next time then.
This is Ani, signing out.
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