So yesterday was Valentine's Day. As I was going to bed, I was thinking about you. I say you, because when I write these we both know it's you I'm talking to you. It use to be HIM and then it became you. Anyway, I was thinking about 10 years ago. We spent the whole weekend together. It was the best Valentine's day I've ever had. It feels like a dream I had a long time ago. I can barely remember what we did. I can barely remember you actually. I just remember how you made me feel. And how I felt a a couple of months later. And how I feel now.
You always told me that if we ever broke up, that some day you'd come back. That no matter what we were going to end up together. I held on to that for a long long time. This fantasy about us running into each other, and the sparks igniting and we were back in love. For good this time.
But then we did. We ran into each other. And I was so nervous, and you were just the same as you were. And I realized that I didn't actually like you. In fact, you are the type of guy I can't stand. And I don't know if I don't like you because you are like them. Or if I don't like them because they are like you. It's probably a bit of both.
Still, knowing all of this. I was thinking about you last night. I was missing you last night. Or at least missing the way you use to make me feel. It's crazy I know. I was with you for what...six months? And I think about you more then I do Pride, who I was with for almost five years.
I'm sure you don't read these anymore. I hardly write them. I guess in my mind, these will always be a way to reach you. Even when you wont talk to me in reality, I can tell you everything I want here.
I don't love you. I don't want you. I just miss you.
I know that makes me crazy. But it's how I feel. My words, my truth.
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