Soooooo ..... I'm getting a little insecure again, so I thought maybe typing it out might help me address it. You know, powerwriting (in a sense); are you proud of me Goldberry Long (legit, that is her name)??
I think I'm worried that you will start spending more time with him, and then I'll be pushed out .... again.
It happened with Amy. It happened with Yasmin.
I don't want it to happen to you.
I really enjoy our time together. I was really good in the beginning because I knew so many people demanded so much of you, and I knew it wasn't fair to add on. Now, I guess I feel more entitled. You're my best friend, and I like having that title. I guess in my mind it comes with "privileges." Like getting to talk to you more and getting to know you. Talking about things that you don't with other people. It's when I had expectations that I started to get insecure. Why were you hanging out with X and not me? I started feeling crazy and possessive, frankly. I knew that wasn't right. It wasn't fair to you. I think I've gotten better with our friends. I feel like I've opened up more since we've had our talk. I'm trying to include myself more into conversations and put myself out there. I have to do that for me -- so that I can grow and become a better person.
And then the bomb was dropped yesterday. No judgment -- never. You know me, and that's not how I work.
I know we were both tired today after class, and I didn't think twice when you said you needed the day to yourself.
Of course -- take it. I'm glad you told me. I felt the same way, but you had the balls to say it, so thank you.
Then doubt crept into my mind: maybe you wanted the day to invite him over so that you could de-stress.
If so, you're totally entitled to do that. I think it's me who has to come to terms that it's totally your prerogative to do that. I think I'm realizing I just like to be in the loop. I just like to be told.
I get worried when I'm not in the know.
Is that fair to you? No ... I'm not entitled to know everything about your life. You're allowed to have secrets.
I guess it just makes me sad ...
Again, not fair to you.
You're allowed to do what you want. You are a grown a** woman. I am not entitled to know your every move.
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