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Little Black Book of Eventually Read Secrets
I'm so sorry...
His heart stopped beating at 2:00 pm, February 8th.
I felt him pass in my arms, and I sobbed uncontrollably into his fur as I furiously kissed his face and begged for forgiveness.
I put my dog to sleep... And it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
I remember the shock that flooded me as he stopped breathing so quickly. I couldn't believe how fast everything stopped. I thought maybe there would be one more breath, or he would fade.
But the second she pushed the plunger in all the way, he was dead.
I stroked him and kissed him and cried for an hour. I immediately felt regret, so heavily burdened by my remorse. My husband hugged me tightly from behind, but I remember suddenly feeling so alone. Without my companion at my side, after he had been there for 12 years.

I can't believe he's gone. I know he is. I know he's never coming back. And yet, I look for him. I search every where. I expect to see him in all these familiar places- and yet, I know he'll never be there again.
My brain keeps telling me to go get him. Go pick him up. But I know I can't. Cause he's gone...

The only comfort I find now is knowing it was either now, or two months from now. He has congestive heart failure. His lungs were filling with blood. He was full of cancer. And then, he was losing bodily functions. He peed himself twice a day for a week...
I did the only thing I could do. I did him the biggest kindness. I gave him the love and peace he deserved...I ended his suffering when he was having a good day

So god damnit, knowing all of this, why do I hurt so ******** much?

I just want him back... I'm so sorry Dexter...

Azure Starwish
Community Member
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