I might as well be in space because this is just blowing my mind that I need to come back to this journal, after everything. I thought I was doing fairly well with things but clearly I have taken some steps back. I don’t know if we can go back to what we had and I don’t know if I will be he same person once school starts. I have this awful awful feeling that... I won’t be honey anymore. I feel like I gave him a goodbye kiss. It’s horrible.

His other complaint, other than my venting is too intense for him, is that I don’t allow him to have alone time. He wants me to make friends and go off on my own at times. This fool.... he doesn’t realize that’s what will happen once I go back to school. He is going to hardly exist to me. I won’t be making dinner for him anymore and I won’t want to make him breakfast either. I have a second job to do in the mornings if I want to get out of debt. This fool...

It makes me so sad, especially so since I know he doesn’t expect it like I do. I mourn my free days that are going to be taken away in the near future. Man... I’m going to be exhausted and there are going to be few days I will want sex, due to my stress levels. He’s going to blame me and get all cranky. I’m going to miss him and be all butthurt. I can see it happening so clearly in my mind. I feel it and anticipate the emotions that will devour me.

Gods, I am going to be thrown to the wolves, pity this fool.