i've been really busy most of this week so far- not a lot of time to pause and take a breather and even when i did there was art to be made and i was motivated to do it

but right now, i'm finally free to do as i please and i can't find an ounce of motivation to do anything
i hate this feeling of numbness, or emptiness, of lacking

i also just feel extreamly uncomfortale in my own skin right now because my nutritionst talked to me about losing weight today
i only took two bites of my dinner and then ended up getting cereal instead

i dread having to go back to that strict diet
it was honestly just a depressing time
i never realized how much food comforts me
i know i have always had a problem with sugar and am dependent on it to some extent
but without any yummy food i might as well be a zombie
most days i just didn't eat because what i could eat just didn't appetize me at all

i haven't even been taking my medicine like i'm suppose to, i don't know why something so simple is so difficult for me to follow through with things
its just so easy to let this weight carry me down
depression is the heaviest thing in the world and it rests on top of people's shoulders, on their chests
i commend the people that manage it and provide for themselves and others

the only thing i've been devouring besides food that is terrible for me has been hulu,, i guess because it requires the lease amount of effort on my part
even getting up to turn that on puts me through strain

the worst part too is being called lazy
i call myself that enough