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Little Black Book of Eventually Read Secrets
Stay Like This
I want to stay like this, with you, longer.
After the storm, this calm that always follows...I wish it would last longer.
I revel in your warmth. In your embrace. In the smiles, and 'I love you's. In your pet names and compliments.

In the way your hands feel on my hips when you embrace me from behind. In the especially affectionate way you hug me for no reason other than to just touch me. When you do the small, silly things that show you care, like rubbing my shoulders when I'm doing the dishes, or rubbing my swollen belly when I complain for the umpteenth time that I can't reach the sink and feel like I'm bruising myself trying to do these damn dishes. Your soft laugh that follows my overly dramatic pouts, that follow your warm hugs, and tender kisses..

These are the moments I fell in love with. This is the you I fell in love with. And I feel like my joy for getting you back is muffled by my fear of losing you again.

I told you this, in so many words, as we sat on the couch yesterday.
I bit my lip hard, watching your face, feeling your temperament. I'm scared that I'm going to lose you again to your depression. To where ever you go when you feel like you're disconnecting from our life together. And because of that fear, I hold on tighter. Perhaps I squeeze a little harder than I should.

I ask you if you're okay, constantly. I fidget where I sit, looking between you and the floor, and eventually explain that...I just want to make you happy. And because of what happened last week...I'm scared. I feel like I should be doing something, always, to make you happy. I feel like I'm not doing enough.

Perhaps you felt guilt, but you looked to me with a small smile, and you pulled a pillow up next to you. And you reached out and yanked me over. You didn't need to pull hard, I practically jumped into your arms, more than happy to accept your affection. I curled up next to you with a blanket, my head in your lap, and I smiled in content as you played with my hair and kissed my head. But that voice nags me constantly.

I'm always scared...

But, right now, I'm happy. Because I still have you, here with me.

Can we just stay like this, a little longer?

Maybe forever...

Azure Starwish
Community Member
  • [11/13/18 02:25pm]
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