I didn't actually want this.

I don't regret it, but I realize now I have zero desire for anything else. It didn't even really mean anything.

All I feel is a deep, deep sense of bitterness that this is the hand life dealt me and expects me to be content with. All it has done is throw the cards in my face.

I'm trying so hard.
But it doesn't matter.
In the end, my thoughts always return.