And you're not exactly wrong! I had a pretty bad relapse in May and nearly ended up back in the hospital. It's been rough, I feel sick and anxious pretty frequently but I have lost weight and have gotten physically stronger. So that's a thing I have going for me.

So where have I been?

Suffering through money problems 'cause I can't have a job and I can't get my licence.

Also suffering technical problems like my desktop frying and 1200 dollars for my new one and ugh it's a lot. My laptop fan is degrading and my phone sporadically reformatted (virus, I assume) and I lost so much s**t it's kind of heartbreaking.

Then my tumblr being ******** trampled by outsiders. I was just chilling writing fanfiction and then I was nearly eaten by an incredibly rabid part of a fandom for fic I wrote for a mutual. It was interesting but I think I'll stay on the downlow, this is the third tumblr account I've had to close. I just got bad luck, kids.

I've been coasting for the last six months. My parents have a conniption every time I step out of the house so like I've just been writing fanfiction. It's keeps me in the house and, hey, I've written around 17 fanfictions and started writing a novel to keep my brain working and I've managed around... 300k-350k in six months and I know that's partly for so many people but for me this is a record and I'm very pleased. All the fanfiction I couldn't write in my teenage years are basically emerging in all of their pedestrian and cliche glory by the truckload.

One guy asked me to write a small fanfiction about their favorite character being captured and detained and we had gone back forth on it for a few days and I liked the first 5k words I wrote 60k more words on it and a side fic from another perspective. They were super happy about it and I love how it ended up.

The only sad thing is the communities I follow are mostly gone, they've deleted their art and fanfiction and headcannons and I have to admit it's so sad but when I post fanfictions about those series and stuff, people peek in and appreciate that little bit of art, even if it's ten years too late.

So, I've been pretty quiet and we come to the biggest issue of being unable to move ahead and basically frozen in time, you fall to nostalgia to reclaim those emotions you felt. I am finally no longer in serious danger of hemorrhaging but I still feel incredibly nervous attempting to move forward on my own. What if something worse happens? What if I develop a blood clot? What if suffer another hemorrhage when I'm walking down the street?

Honestly thinking about it makes it worse, but my doctor did tell me the possibility is going to be present for sometime so I need to be careful. and then didn't proceed to tell me how to be careful.

The truth is though my new doctor is the sweetest ******** woman she is amazing and I love her and she's going away on mat leave for her second kid and I'm sitting here like noooo so her replacement is only going to hear how much I adore my doctor and they're going to ******** hate me. I can't wait.

The good news, on the first of August I should be cleared for everything, I get clearance to work, get my license, return to school. It took a ******** year my dudes but I did it??? it was... not even that long, I'mma be honest felt like a couple of months. I kind of can't wait to go back to my bachelor apartment. It's small and cozy but it's perfect for a person like me.

Maybe this time I won't be a piece of s**t and I can talk about all the fun games I've played and all the new ones I'm looking forward to! and honestly, don't kid yourself it's all about that Pokemon s**t, I LOVE IT. Can't wait for Let's GO! Literally have to commit to buying a ******** Switch now. I HAVE to.


Update, since someone asked I thought you guys deserved to know, too. My mom survived her terrible accident and is very much back to normal. The doctor said now she needs more exercise to counter act the months stationary. Thank you for the concern!