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Booze is crippling my money
Ugh, today should be a happy day. I went over my budget from last month, where I landed and found that this month I will have enough money to pay off the last of one of my credit cards. Which should be a great thing, and I am happy it happened. However, the fact that this took me so long makes me reflect on all the issues that I have. The big one is drinking too much too often. I will say that this month was a much better month. I did not have any more than 4 days in a row of drinking. However, my problem is that I do the math with this and that is where I get crushed. It is hard to believe that I was able to pay off my credit card with my old habit of drinking every night. I can see everything now it is depressing. I mean let's say that I am only spending $18 to $21 on my nightly booze. Well, times 30 is over $600. That is just for the drinking, I have to get hangover prevention stuff so that is an extra $10 to $25 of food. So now we are looking at... hmm well we easily exceed $1000 a month on this. If I had stuck to my guns right from the get-go I would have finished off this credit card at least 4 months ago. However, the problem lies with me.
I am well aware that booze is a depressant. While I almost never wake up and not have one of my first thoughts be "damn woke up again". The intense feeling to want to die is much worse after a night of drinking. Couple that with other issues like hangovers and having my bladder need to be drained multiple times, yeah I get it. I drank last night I know that I would be much more energetic at work and feel better. Yet for some reason, I just felt like I had to get drunk.
I have not figured this one out yet. I do not understand why I much get drunk. Sometimes I have a reason, yay the contract was extended, yay it is my one year closer to death day or yay I showed my idiot co-worker how wrong she was and she had to concede defeat. But most days I am thinking about how I need to get drunk by drinking quicker so I can get more sleep and be less miserable at work. I am to the point where I am basically just getting drunk because that is what I do. Similar to how I brush my teeth or get dressed. Heck, I put more thought and effort into taking a shower than I do into drinking. Even though showering is much easier and less time-consuming.
I do not know... I need to figure out why I am drinking so much. All I can do is hope that I can resist the urge to drink for an entire month. We will see I am hoping as I watch my credit card debt and waistline decline it will become easier.
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