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A place for random entries. Hopefully humourous, or interesting. Enjoy.
venting
i need to vent.
or scream, flail my arms around, and walk away. far away.

the kids were mememememe me me me. now now nownow nonownwownow. hey heyhey. one after the next most of the day.
there is no sense of order. not sense of time.

yeah. so my sister is spacy as all get out.
and my mom is.... well... her brain suffered as a result of her low pulse. and so she is tired all the time. even with a pacemaker.
but like.
she thinks she's in her 40's. like. she can "power through" things. which is a definite no.
she can't.
and i wanted to. so badly. to tell her "GO FREAKING LAY DOWN ON YOUR BED for 30 minutes. close your eyes. DO NOT GET UP unless to pee."
but you can't tell an adult person that.
nope.
i'd be slapped. and verbally assaulted.
how dare i talk to my mother that way.
so i kept my damn mouth shut.

as a result of this. around 4 pm, despite my mother saying she would lay down... she just wandered from room to room, feeling like she was missing something. like she needed to do something. [like take a dang nap] but she couldn't. she was lost.
mentally lost.
she told me she was going to rest. i took the boys out of her room.
30 minutes later she shows up in the kitchen trying to help, and i'm like "did you rest?" "no, i didn't get to that yet."

emotion_facepalm
so. what did you do for 30 minutes all alone? i wanted to ask, but i said nothing.

she's like a lost puppy.
only if you try to guide her in a way that looks like guidance, she'll bite you.

fun times.

she won't rest and is forcing herself to stay awake for the kids.

which is bad for her.

meanwhile i'm not sure what all my sister is doing. like she did do some things. but also.... she washed the silverware from breakfast, wandered off to take care of 1 thing... and didn't come back. so an hour later i finished washing.
or after dinner, after we went for a walk, she talked to my dad for like.. over an hour... and only realized what time it was (9:45pm) when i brought the kids down for a bedtime snack. i couldn't convince them to put on jammies and wasn't sure whose jammies were whose, so i didn't try cramming them in their jams. (it's pointless if i get the wrong ones... srsly. just has to be re-done... sigh)
so like... my sister totally screwed up bedtime by missing the routine. (9 - get jammies, 9:30 - get snack - brush teeth - read story etc etc)
i'm like. ugh.
and i was trying to do all these random chores that would have been better if the boys were asleep.
and my niece freaking wouldn't go to sleep. i told her to go to sleep at about 11:30, told her i had some things to do in the house like lock doors and turn off lights, things to do before i could sleep.. and i turned off the light in my room. and came back 20 minutes later to find her awake with a flashlight.
"why are you still awake?"
"i had to do math."
she was figuring out how long it would take her to hatch her dragon on an app game. she figured it out and had to tell me how she arrived at this answer.

i wanted to slap my forehead.
i refrained.

i told her she could close her eyes and think these things. that her dragons would be there tomorrow.

ugh.
and a lady i know asked me for english teaching help online (her coworker is an english learner). and i hate that i can't just sit down and find some materials to help. like. i could. if these kids would leave me alone for an hour. (i'd have done it now, but my brain is too frazzled) hell. i couldn't even text her back when i found i had a text. because my nephew was literally putting the nintendo controller in my hand every other minute because mario is too hard for him and he gets nervous and wants me to do the hard things like jump over the lava.
like.
ugh.

i should be asleep but i couldn't without releasing my frustrations some.






User Comments: [1] [add]
MemoriesOfGreen
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Tue Jun 26, 2018 @ 05:31pm
They're not respecting or appreciating you and what you do for them. You're holding your s**t together as best you can and I am genuinely concerned about your mental well-being. You will burn out if you don't set boundaries. Here's a suggestion: neglect the children at bedtime. Don't help out. Mia is taking advantage of you deliberately. Take yourself to bed. Lock the door. They are not your children and they are not your legal or personal responsibility.

As for your mom, you already know that you've done what you can to help her. She's a retired nurse and knows what care she needs. I think she's just afraid to admit how terrified she was, and slowing down would make her face how serious the situation is. She's a tough cookie. She will be okay.

From what you say, it sounds like you may need to find your own place. You can't keep up with this stressful situation. It's not healthy. I am genuinely concerned about you.


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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