I should really just give up. That's what I know I should do.
Nothing is going to change, you're never really going to care about me again. Not the way I care about you.
I keep clinging to faulty and fruitless hopes that with the more time you'll spend around me, the more you'll remember why you ever loved me. You'll feel even a fraction of what I feel for you. But it's never going to happen, is it? I barely even cross your mind. I'm irrelevant.
How long do I need to keep dragging myself through this mud in the hopes you'll notice me and lift me up?
You don't want to do that.
You don't want to be with me.
I need to internalize this ******** thought, I need to stamp it on the inside of my skull. You don't care. You don't care. You don't want me.
You never will again.
And you know what? That's not your problem. None of this is your problem. You're selfish, you're full of excuses, but that's fine because you don't answer to me.
But I need to stop putting myself through this, day by day. I need to get over this. I need to understand this is never going to happen the way I wish it would. It was over before it even began, I had a small taste of you one last time before I hit the brick wall.
That's all I'll probably get.
Left with me and my memories of you. The days when you loved me... the days we spent together, you don't look back the way I do. Lying in your arms and laughing together. Our first kiss. Our first time we shared together... your first time ever. Your dispassion will never take away these memories from me at least, the way I remember them, the way I love them. The way I love you, I still love you. I wish I didn't love you so much.
But I won't take back anything.
I just need to let you go.
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