I was worried I might feel like I wasted my weekend again, but I finally decided to watch Braves of the Six Flowers and I'm liking it so far! It's just that this heat makes it hard to think in the afternoons, and this is my last weekend, and I don't even quite remember what I did yesterday. sad

Catching up with sleep in the evening is good though I guess! I just have to think that even though I feel like I wasted my weekend away by sleeping too long and not getting some quality leisure time in, my body will thank me later with less likelihood of any anxiety/panic attacks. Those suck tbh.

Someone anonymously gifted me a hockey mask and I'm like WTF? I'm barely into any sports, let alone hockey.

I don't actually know what to do about my avatar and investing in stuff in the Marketplace and all that lately. I mean, now that I'm realizing how the switch to Platinum made the economy comparable to what it was in 2004 again, and everything actually feels much, much cheaper... I don't know what to get! I'd think of color or style themes and I'd just randomly get cute items under them with no real plan, and then I'd try them all out together when I'm not feeling so lazy, but they don't always really fit together (well, none of my attempts so far fit together) and now I'm stuck with my current weird ghost bride in panties avatar because I can't think of anything better. I wanted to go for something pink and cream/gold, or white/gold. But the shades of gold on the whites vary, and the layering can be pretty weird... ugh.

And I tried the avatar outfit simulation thing where I was trying to recreate something I saw in Japanese art to my avatar, only to find that there weren't items that quite fit the look I was trying to go for (and anyway the navy blues didn't exactly match so UGH Gaia is this what they were talking about when they said they were frustrated about the company still? LOL) and then I was trying to go for pink/cream/gold and unicorns but I got tired of that real quick, and I don't know anymore! Ughhhhh. I like the new skin color I chose, but I still don't know what to do about the hair, and I don't know what to do about the eyes, either.

And in today's Daily Chance I didn't get as much Platinum, but okay whatever.

I feel like watching fantasy anime is good for me because it gets me out of my rut and lets me imagine things like, it's important to laugh to keep calm, and maybe I'm meant to go down a certain path but only to meet certain people and influence them in some way, and not necessarily win at the career I chose for the meantime, and that's okay because in the end, even though I didn't get the success I imagined I'd get, I still got to do something important for the world. Stuff like that is good to think about, even if it's just in my head, in a world where it's getting harder and harder to live in.

I think my crush is starting to really pursue creating music and performing and I love it! I hope he finds happiness there. I get worried sometimes that he gets too lonely. I don't really get to talk to him as much as I'd like, nor as freely as I'd like. Even if everything I've been imagining about us never comes true, I want him to be happy, even if his happiness can be found nowhere near me. I'm used to that, anyway. And I'm okay with having these feelings. I think it's natural for people to naturally love each other and want to do things like sex and be together for the rest of their lives. I think it's perfectly natural and shouldn't be censored as much as it is now. I think that's how they control us. If everyone was free to love whoever, however they want, as many as they want, and it became culturally and societally normal, nothing can make us doubt our power any more.

Personalities? What are personalities? I'm not sure what to do with this "meme" you have about personalities. I think personalities are stuff you get from the environment, but if you were brave enough to acknowledge that you have a lot of them, adaptable to your situation, you're better able to understand how we are all empty, how we are all consciousness, how we are all only awareness.

That's it for now, maybe see you tomorrow!