Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I'm not the girl that you see walking down the street and think "damn, she's hot".
I'm not the girl that gets called beautiful.
I'm not the girl who gets cat called.
I'm not the girl who get hit on when she goes out.

I'm the girl that needs to brace herself every single time she goes into a clothing store because she knows nothing will fit.
I'm the girl who goes to Walmart at 2 a.m. cause she cant stand the judgmental looks when picking up a pack of cookies or even veggies.
I'm the girl who cant stand a moment of silence because the thoughts of being worthless start creeping in.
I'm the girl who likes to keep her hands and mind busy because thoughts of death feel peaceful.
I'm the girl who loves fiercely but is scared to since it's never reciprocated.
I'm the girl who just needs to hear "I'm proud of you, you are enough" at least once in her life.
I'm the girl who quits projects before they are even started because it can't be done perfectly so what's the point.

I am a girl that's in a better place than she started.
I am a girl who is loved even if I don't recognize it.
I am a girl who may not be the prettiest, but could damn sure give the world some cute babies.
I am a girl who fights suicidal thoughts every single day, but wins every time because I decide to push just a little further.
I am a girl with worth because I can listen, not judge, and understand the pain even if i haven't been through it my self.
I am a girl you can sit down and eat and have a conversation with, without counting calories.
I am a girl who can love unconditionally because I understand everyone has character flaws.
I am a girl to be proud of, even if I'm not academically smart, I am people smart.
I am a girl worth having all the love I give.
I am a girl who can motivate you but tell you it's okay if you want to give up.
I am a girl without a dream, but believes in yours.
I am a girl who can give some perspective.

I am not a perfect girl, but god damn it, I'm doing my best.

I just wish I could feel it. I wish I could wake up and feel happy to be alive instead of fighting myself on it. I wish my heart didn't feel so heavy. I wish I could stop pitying myself.
I'll get there one day. I guess today is just not that day.