What do you do when you lose everyone you care about? Friends, boyfriend, family. What do you do? My whole world feels like you're whole world is falling apart. I feel so lost. I have social anxiety and depression really bad. I've been to my doctor but nothing seems to be helping. Now that I have no one, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel defeated. I think everyone needs someone, but what do you do when you lost everyone. I know none of it is my fault. Friendships come and go and so do relationships. But what do you do to move on? I didn't push my friends away, they pushed me. I bent over backwards to try to make them happy when I ended up losing so much of myself. It's so hard to find decent people now. What's happened to the world? I know it's not just me going through these things. I'm just so confused and lost. I feel like everything I've worked so hard for just fell apart. I have no one to turn to for advice, or anyone I can talk to. It seems like no one can keep a secret anymore either. You tell someone one thing and the whole world knows. Not that I have any secrets. And what about those friends you thought were real. They turn out to be fake and then spread horrible rumors about you when you no longer give them everything you can. When you go without so your friends can have. You end up giving and giving and for what? To be broken in the end. They took so much of myself. And the boyfriends, don't even get me started. Why can no one be faithful anymore or honest? It's like there's no sense of communication anymore. No sense of what's real. Cause even if they say they didn't do something, odds are they did. And when all the trust is gone. There's no more relationship but you push through hoping things will change. You invest so much of yourself and your life hoping things will work out and they don't. 3 years wasted. Where do I start again? It's already been a year since I lost all my friends, and my boyfriend. I don't even know what really happened. I've always been honest, and I've always been proud that I'm not like other people. But why is it always us that's hurt. The ones who never hurt anyone. The ones that are honest and nice. We end up alone, with no one. No one to be there for us. Being alone is hard. But being hurt and being alone is worse. I hate what I'm going through and I know all of this is a learning process but why does it have to be so hard. My mind runs a mile a minute thinking of all the things I could have done differently, all the things I could have changed. But are those people even worth it? No. Then why do I still care? Why do I still hurt for these people? Of course missing the good times is something that's normal. Those people weren't good people, and I would never wish ill intent on them. But why is it that they do for me? Even if I was a bad person, why can't people just drop things and be done. Why do they always have to try to ruin peoples lives? It makes no sense to me. And meeting people is hard. Cause who do you trust? Even after years of knowing people they can still lash out and try to ruin your life? And over what? You can't trust anyone now a day. And even if you do end up trusting someone how can you know for sure they won't betray you? It's not better to be alone. But its sure not better to be in bad company. But being alone is so hard. Watching everyone around you succeeding and doing well in life knowing they don't deserve it. But you smile and you carry on. You smile on the outside anyways. And you carry on by trying to survive through your own mind everyday. Battling yourself. Telling yourself you are worth it when you don't believe it. How can you? After everyone has betrayed you and everyone has made you feel like you're not worth it. They've showed you, you are nothing. How do you carry on every day feeling this way? How do you survive through your own mind. Everyone you've ever trusted has betrayed you. How do you cure your own mind from the battling devil inside? How do you become better? And if you do become better, will it ever truly go away? Will you ever be truly healed? I feel like I'm going to be battling my own mind every day. I have for so long it's become normal. Being treated like garbage has become normal. It's sad that its happened. And I know it's not my fault. But the decent people that are out there are turned into these scared fickle beings that are terrified to try again and we do. Every day we do. And we still end up hurt? Why.... Why us? What did we do to deserve a life like this?
I just want answers no one can give me but myself. But how do I find the answers. How do I go on? How do we keep doing this. How do we become happy? I can't even say I know what happiness is anymore. It's been so long since I've felt anything other than sadness and depression. What do we do? What can we do? When we feel so hopeless, helpless and lost?
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