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♠|Rensealler|♠
___i'll be the jack of all trades ' '...{{<3}} you be the master of none______--++
From pretty bad to moderately worse.
So I left y'all saying ******** 2017 and the horse it came in on.

Honestly, I'm already feeling that way with 2018. So a heads up, I talk about blood in this, so if it squicks you out or bothers you in any way feel free to skip this entry.

Let me begin by saying my holidays were pretty rad. I had a great Christmas and New Year, it was definitely one of the best I ever had. One reason was I ******** demolished family members at Uno and I'm proud of it.

Moving on though, I'm gonna clarify that my issues have nothing to do with the social media climate right now. That is definitely a s**t show but it has absolutely nothing to with me. I don't watch a lot of big youtubers and I don't like the taste of tide pods so I'm doing really awesome there.

It's a lot of small things, like I had an appointment and I trusted someone to get me there on time and I ended up half an hour late to a doctors appointment that I had been waiting for since July. So like 6 months and they almost didn't take me. (you're asking why didn't you drive yourself, but i don't have a license anymore cause of the stunt i pulled in the summer called almost dying) Lemme tell you, I was not having a great ******** day. Either way I finally saw my new family doctor and she is phenomenal and I love her and I wish I had her years ago. That was at the beginning of the month. Then my brother was almost killed by an old man who almost ran him over, ******** that guy and then my sister was in the hospital. So like... small things.

The worst thing. The absolute worst thing is that my mother, who doesn't bother a single soul, who doesn't do anything other than encourage all three of her fully grown kids and cooks and cleans. Almost got killed by our dish cupboard. And I want to laugh, I have laughed but it was purely out of mortified shock, but I almost lost my mother to a ******** cupboard. The noise that cupboard made was unreal. The sounds of dishes and glasses shattering lasted about fifteen seconds before I made it down the steps and found my mother holding the top of her head and absolutely covered in blood is something that will never leave me. The fear that came out of me was visceral, terrified. The only thing I said was 'oh my god' and those words came from a place I thought had died a long time ago. And you'd think I was being dramatic, but for a split second I experienced paralyzing fear, heartbreak and pure horror that I thought I was going to lose my mother. My heart never beat so hard, it felt like a heart attack. I've been suffering from a lot of anxiety since July so I shut down very quickly these days.

The funny thing is, it lasted a second. I helped my mom into a chair, yanked my sisters towel off of her head and put it on my moms head (it was the closest thing I had at the time to stem the blood flow) made my sister call an ambulance, while my mother tried her best to get up and go to the hospital herself because she's Greek and she needs to do everything herself or it won't be done right. She went with the paramedics and I am very thankful.

Then she was at the hospital while I told my dad and brother what had happened while they were at work. My brother went straight to the hospital. My father had to stay at work cause that's all he's known for over 45 years. My sister went as well and I stayed behind to clean up the mess. Then my best friend, who is a ******** awesome nurse, came over to check on me (cause I was freaking the ******** out after) and help me clean. On her day off. Words can't describe the gratitude I feel.

Long story short, after all that heartache, my mom just has a concussion, a black eye and some scrapes on her face. She doesn't even need stitches. They just glued the wound shut because it was shallow enough. And I will be forever thankful that it wasn't as bad I initially feared. My two best friends are both a general practitioner and registered nurse. I have heard of people dying from much less. Also my mother is made of steel, apparently. Although my mom was JUST in the hospital because of heart arrhythmia and that really shut her down for a bit this ******** bullshit comes out of nowhere and just ******** her right up.

I want my life back. Since 2016 my life has just been sad and desperate attempts to grasp at some semblance of a schedule but nope, I'm apparently not allowed.
The memory keeps replaying in my head, seeing my mom's face and hands covered in blood. Like I know now the injury itself isn't what I should be afraid of, it's the possible cranial hemorrhage or cranial shifting or blunt force trauma, the things I can't physically see.

As you might have noticed, I'm not at University. Things happened that postponed my getting there but right now I am forever grateful for those events because it meant I could be home and with my mother when this happened, because it could have happened at any time and if my mother was home alone, I would've had guilt for the rest of my life.

Whelp, that's my funky start to the new year. Hope you guys are faring better than me and I hope that you all stay safe from any type of bullshit that comes your way.





 
 
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