Today was a good day. It was the first day this year that I felt the insurmountable sadness I have to beat back recede a little on its own.
It's a little strange. With less sadness, there's more room than every for something and someone to care about, but there's no one to know and nothing new to love. It brings up the same ol' loneliness, but it doesn't feel cold at the moment. I mean, it's all still there. It doesn't go away. But for right now, in this moment, I am experiencing relief. I feel unburdened.
It's not the only thing I feel. The fear, the fondness, the sense of fleeting. Fleeting because the good feelings always go.
Oh, well. I can't command or compel people to give me their company and getting comfortable with being lonely is difficult.
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FOE Brett
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