12/6
":c idk why you dont let yourself to love someone"

: ...

"When I like someone, im already in love with them. I give them my all. I'm committed to them. When I fall in love, I fall crazy deeply for them. We get into fights and all the girls I was with always say they want to fix it but after it's resolved, they go and cheat on me. They break their promises to me. I'm the one who's left behind and I can't let go because I loved them a lot. It's easy for them because I know they never really loved me from the start. Anybody can say move on because there's plenty of others out there, but why be in a relationship if you're just gonna get over someone so quickly? They act like they never had that some they were crazy about because there will always be someone you can't forget.

Each time they broke my heart, I just lose more of me and I couldn't get it back. The first girl that I'd ever fell madly for... Took me 3 years to get over. I tried to make her jealous, but I ended up hurting myself. I cried so much that I would refuse to eat, stay up all night and refuse to get out of bed. I started losing my hair. After those years I forget what kind of person I used to be. I started losing myself. Though I love them all a lot, I became to get over them quickly. My last relationship, she broke up with me to be with a guy at her school, so I got over her in two days.

I write about them just so I can constantly look back and remind myself who I used to be. Then honestly, I didn't write this for them.

They... All seem happy now whoever and wherever they are. I can't allow myself to love anyone again was because I couldn't handle them not coming back to tell me the things I want to hear, they forgotten about me, they don't miss me or care. They treated my love like s**t and they still get to be happy! While im breaking down and writing letters hoping they'll see them. The saddest thing ever was seeing them give somebody else what they couldn't give to me. So i got tired and that's why... I feel bad when I couldn't give angel the chance

I stood up for them while they all walked away. They never loved me, they played with me and they wasted something good. So that's why I said I ran out of love and I wouldn't be able to love angel like she deserved to be

And angel... Might've lost her chance of finding her other half. But I still hope she will or find someone as close as possible.

Angel is a great girl, mom... Very beautiful

They hurt me but I refused to speak bad about them. Because I cherished every women who came into my life. I know they get through life difficult because men always hurt them. When we don't work out, I always tell them if im not the one for them, for them to find someone better. They would also tell me the same. I guess my wish came true and theirs didn't... Lucky me.

But in all honesty.... I feel like I still owe them

Am I wrong? A fool or just stupid?

I mostly keep everything to myself because no one can understand, they're not at that stage yet. I don't have someone who'll be there for me... Not even my best friend in rl. That's so alone I am. I talk to myself because I can understand who I am, I can speak freely without stuttering."