when you know soon you will die :p

okay... few weeks ago I going to hospital & try to check up.
and the result give me a shock eek

however... this is going to be my chance to look everyone. I mean, well.. I know people will say I was too exaggerating but if this is going true, what will you do if one day I really get this sick & you still thinking i doing fake?
thank you.

I do not really want to see people blame me anymore.
I know all my fault but you all only talk & keep talk.
I know I am wrong but can you stop saying that is my fault cause i already know all my fault?
what i want only you need to hear what i am saying cause i want to let you know.
if you are not close person, of course I won't talk to you.
other else if you really sick with what i am saying, what you need to do only ask me to stop talk & i will understand. this is simple.

sadly.... i know this is very hard for me.
and... i am very grateful there's people who want to hear me out but... too complicated.. i mean... over care... although i am happy when i realize that LOL >.>

oh, okay... i am done typing razz
however when i know i have too much thinking about lot things gives me bad effect plus grieving too long isn't good for health.
sooner, i need to relax all of this burden by overworking.
and i need to make sure something about wrong things & make sure everything turn out well if i struggle to do right things.