there's a knot in your throat and a grenade going off
in your stomach.
you thought you could jump this hurdle
thought that you could get out.
dammit you climbed barb wired fences
ran through fields of land mines
you crossed lead ridden lakes
and cascaded the moon.
you had done it.
the warmth he gave you when you touched
the feeling of fullness that he ensnared you in.
how he moved with calculated tenacity
how he tore every f*cking thread you had
when the grenade goes off he's not looking.
he doesn't see your heart fall and shatter to the floor
doesn't notice the way the stars fell from your eyes
and unceremoniously crashed into the earth.
when he looks up you don't
you do not
beg him to love you.
time heals they say but time just makes things once precious
you had planted a flower and expected it to grow
in the boiling sun.
you left it simmering in tornadoes and drowning in tsunamis
so then how are you surprised
when you come back
and it's been wilted away?
he wasn't meant for you but his touch was.
his embrace over your body and the way his fingers
designed maps onto your skin.
the way his lips bloomed mountains and rivers on your
nothing in his being was meant for you besides the way
he held you when you slept.
[nothing ever meant anything to him except the way you said his name.]
you knew he was nothing.
you knew he meant nothing.
so then why
does it bother you?
can't you look at the dark in his eyes?
aren't you running away?