Okay so I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful man who I love with all my heart. To the point where we’ve gotten engaged and plan to be wed in 2 years and some odd weeks and we’re also talkin’ about babies.

When I meant my love he had a part time job working as a dish washer for a diner where the owner treated him like complete and utter s**t. He “lost” that job because the weekend he was supposed to work he couldn’t due to having a huge a** boil on the back of his leg which made him unable to move or do anything. He was literally crying himself to sleep because of the pain and eventually I had to take him to urgent care where they gave him some antibiotics and some pain pills.

This was, about, 4 months ago.

In that time he had to move out of his mothers house (he wasn’t making enough to afford his own place and the money he did make was going to getting his explorer back on the road) and in with me. On the promise that he would pay my mother 75 dollars a week for rent and food.

Weeeelll since he has moved in he’s not making an effort to find a new job. Yes he has had some jobs, he’s trying to find work in his career choice, but the two jobs he had… the first one he lost and the second one he wasn’t needed anymore.

The thing that is seriously pissing me off currently is the fact that I’m out of a job (and looking like a mad woman) where as all he does every day is either sleep, eat, or watch television. I have to nag his a** to take his anti depressants and I ******** hate doing that. I feel like his mother every time I remind him to take his pills, I feel like his mother every time I get on his a** about finding a job and it’s stressing me out.

I don’t want to lose my love but I’m sick and tired of this s**t. Because of my anger towards this situation I find myself more depressed than happy these days and as someone who is undiagnosed with depression it’s not good for me. I’ve gotten so sick, lately, that just looking at him makes me want to kill myself. I don’t want to put up with this anymore, I don’t want to be in a relationship where he’s not even trying anymore. I’m the one who cooks, cleans, and takes care of my mother 24/7 and just once I’d like him to help but he doesn’t. He’ll have his moments, I give him that, but those moments are not all the time.

Add to that I also have to take care of our dog and our guinea pig. In the mornings of Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I don’t have the time to put our dog out to go potty nor to feed him because the moment I wake up I have to get dressed and get going cause my mom has dialysis those days and I drive her. I don’t get home until Noon most of those days and when I get home he’s still sleeping OR he’s watching television. I know the dog hasn’t been put out because he prances the moment he see’s me. I know he hasn’t been fed because the dog will lay by his dish until he is. So I have to put him out the moment I get home and feed him well he’s outside. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I will feed him than put him out.

Than after I do that I have to feed my guinea pig and give her fresh water. Which I don’t mind but the least my love could do is help me by feeding her and giving her fresh water.

Than once I do that I get to have 5 minutes to sit and relax and than I clean a little bit and than I get back online for 10 minutes.

This s**t is just pissing me off though. I really am pissed off at him and I don’t know what the ******** to do anymore.

I won’t break up with him because I do love him and I can look pass this s**t but I just can’t handle this anymore.