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5 Truths

β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜†

I do not know about other people, but here are 5 insane truths that I have realized recently about myself. Parts of these truths have been with me for a long time, and other parts I just recently learned. This is what I have so far, but there is still much more that is unsaid and yet-to-be learned.

1) I will never know what it means to be anyone other than me. Anything I say do and think comes from my own experiences. It comes from being raised as a white female, in my particular culture in the US, and in my family. I do not know what it is to be colored, I do not know what it is to be male. I can never know, and that is okay. All I can do is listen to those who have had those experiences, and even then I will not know. I will only know second-hand a piece of it.

2) I am not right. I am hardly ever right. Humans are tiny little specks in a grand universe and tiny little specks in an immense timeline. And I am a tiny speck within the already tiny existence of humanity. I know hardly anything and the things I do know are probably wrong. This is also why it is good for me to be humble and listen to others’ experiences. Everyone thinks they know lots of things. Every once in a while I’ll find that someone, anyone can know something that I didn’t know, something contradictory to something that I thought I knew, and they will be right.

3) I have the power to say things and the things I say have weight. I say lots of things, ramble on, and interrupt people, and that is not good. But I also have learned to stand up for myself and that can be both good and bad. This is because when I say things it has the power to hurt people. When I am hurt, I have learned to defend myself, creating more hurt, and I don’t think that is good. Instead I should most likely use my power of defense in a way that does not create more hurt, such as explaining myself, or waiting to articulate myself until I am calm. I am not really sure. It is hard to do these things though because being hurt is difficult, and painful, and I’ve only ever known defense.

4) I struggle with mental illness. Not the kind of mental illness that is clean cut, that fits in a box, that you can send on it’s way with a bow, but intersectional mental illness. I have struggled with focus, humility, empathy, and meaning. I had/have childhood ADHD, GED and Dyslexia. These are just the names that we call them, but my symptoms have built on each other, intertwining and making it hard for me to learn certain things, experience things in a normal way, and understand what’s going on. I’m sure I am not done struggling. However, I am not ashamed of my experience. There are others that understand and for those that don’t, just listen.

5) I am starting to understand true caring for other human beings. I think everyone thinks they know what love is, but I can only speak for myself and I really didn’t. Love is like opening a book and not understanding everything you read at first, but being compelled to continue reading because the words sound so beautiful and magical even if you don’t understand them or if you aren’t ready for them. I have come to find that in order to have love for any person, I make a choice to re-open that book every dayΒ¬ and read it a little. It takes time, it takes effort, and sometimes it takes admitting I was terribly wrong, but the reward is seeing relationships flourish. I am nowhere near knowing everything or being perfect (quite the opposite actually) but I am willing to listen and learn.

β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜† ␗ ␙.β˜†

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