Sept 17th, 2017
For the past few days I've been telling myself that I need to seek outside help for my anxiety, depression, and increasing number of panic attacks. Today I told myself out loud that I am no longer managing. I've been toying with the idea for a little bit of maybe going back to seeing a therapist (something I haven't done since I was in Middle School and I hated it) but there are a few things keeping me back:
1. I do not have very good insurance through work
2. I'm broke
3. I have no idea what I'm doing
4. Part of me still doesn't want to go back
I keep telling myself that since I'm no longer managing having someone else, someone on the outside, someone who is a professional, could very well be beneficial and help me increase my quality of life. I have to remind myself that right now I'm not living, I'm merely existing, but part of me is still so unsure. I can't keep going back and forth on this. I need to get the ball rolling and make positive progress so I can get back to enjoying my life and not dreading every waking moment.
I have to go to my mother's house where I have my documents from work. There are counselling services offered through the company and - while I hate the company - they may be my best bet. If nothing else, it'll be a place to start.