oh my....8 years ago diary's also another treasure items of mine........
I do not remember well about myself (mostly not remember cause I do not want to remember myself & what the heck was i doing & why do i keep that all...) but... when I found it I laughing too hard until my stomach feel hurt~ @_@

AND MY ART ITEMS.......... > A > WHAT? I STILL KEEP THEM without REMEMBER? i remember i throw it away after i give up on everything.

how could?? x_x "shrug head"
still in complete set & I really did save on my old room till 8 years later & in good condition?
(cause when i see that pack it has my name on it... when did i do that?)

spidol (36 colors), watercolor set (128 colors), pencil color (72 colors), crayon (256 colors), drawing pen (from 0.05mm to 0.8mm), expensive board marker from japan, special paper for art (japan too), & more items in good condition like never touched...still can be used too after 8 years passed... o.O;;
someone or myself arrange it on cardboard & put it very neat...

not remember all but important things why do i have this all because i was love them all with my whole heart.

I've ruined all of these dream after know I was getting used on someone & she crush everything & stole all i have...
nice ending?

frankly... thank you for stop myself & separate me from what i love.
I mean... yes, my choice to love you ending in bitter story but...

these life teach me about truth and if i choose to keep in love with my choice... I have no idea what will i be....


The FACT no one will tell me these path never easy although i have confidence i can be happy with my own path.

when I've stop these dream & back to reality... yes... you are right.
you do not want me to suffer....
but you were too harsh on me & I regret that I hate you back the days.

until now when i have all things in my palm of hands.
these because all past i have been passed too colorful until the dark comes & turn into white again.

you've told me in the end of the darkness "please do not lose your shine..."
not remember when did you whisper this to me & I carry your advise although we do not meet again.

but I've lost track, you know?
I was try to forget but cry in the end, why?
cause it's too hurt for me to forget what happen but by times, I do not know why do I not remember.

and I am fine as usual... ^^
not sure but I remember I ask to myself after what was happen on me.
I wishing to the sky, I want to be someone's wishes.
I wishing this time I do not want to ask for myself but for who now live with me.
live for now..


weird? uhm.. to be honest this how life goes.
you was there & now you here.
past was dead, history been written, cannot be changed.
but present is something i can create for better tomorrow.
( when i wrote this i just realize how pessimistic person i can be in the past & now... x_x )

life for now but missing past? (...happen everyday for me like walking around in same street....)
consider what is this life purpose now for me? ( to be honest nothing than myself but for others.... the fact for myself, hey..remember why am i here now & for who i am here? )


somehow i remember again this part...
yes... someone tell me " please do not leave me.."
these is fact cause she & he told me when i was says i do not want to be there anymore. ( he & she even cry in front of me & beg me to stop saying hurt words. )

I am sorry.
but since i heard that & now, I learn we always have fight LOL
things i've notice is we always make up faster after fight than before we were not telling our mind...^^
so, it's not bad for us because i have feeling it will be turn to good friendship bond.

we was also not from friends from start & you think of me as stranger who live on my own world & i do not remember why did you approach me.... < v <
after that you ask me to stay for no reason? what's on your mind? > . >
and.... after you told me, i laugh on myself XD not to you but myself for not notice that my mistake... hahahaha... (cannot stop laughing.... sorry, gimme a moment.)
sorry for scaring you LOL

until now we are friends but sadly i cannot stop to think when you tell me that you admit how you tell me to not leave your side??? XD
OF COURSE I WON'T! you tell me we are friends, right? when did you say to me to stop? did you do wrong things on me?
I will not broke promise until one of us will do...