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now i have reason to keep on straight! the puzzle of my fortune telling finally finished!

since December 2016 until now, search for truth, make sure my thought must be wrong, but truthfully I surrounding with the shocking fact! I just can't believe my thought are sharp... how scary...
it's true big disaster, something i can't believe how could they hide for long time,
Tongue have no bone. you just saying something such promise that you cannot keep & make precious one crying! what have you done is way too much... cause of you, I will defend someone you hurt with all i have.

Now, I won't run away like before! I want to protect & do what is right to do!
the chance to change my fate has been offered & i accept it although i am shivering & afraid, I have to do that to make sure I able to make that person proud!
because of this I think I will push again myself & these reason will be enough to get away from my personal wishes.

somehow that person notice i did too much for their sake, so they give me bless to have no worry about my future. grant me their pray & saying if you not happy, when i die i won't close my eyes & let my eyes keep open. that's too much & make me cry after they say to me!

please, I am not naive. I know very much of myself & I am trying to hide & push as possible as i can. The things you just do not know, I really enjoy that odd happen around me when you think i cannot deal with it.. so far now you think i able to handle everything but in the fact I did push my limit into others limit & giving me super tired feeling inside heart but smiling in front of you to make sure you have not to worry. as long as you are on safe line. not in danger situation.
It just for something more precious than everything in my life ( not all people)
don't you think i am way too selfish? i am just focus on yours.

okay, right now... some of people around me who notice this act of mine. they become sympathize to me after know what happen this years. giving me support that i rare ask... i think i am jump into wrong dream, or is it real? yeah, it's real...
they become more gentle to me after know i try & try again to protect what i should do. they notice my tears. ugh...

this years... the reason i have to walking on is to protect! now i get the answer of the fortune telling me.
I have feeling if i keep do right things, it will lead me to something more excited. right now, I get more support i never see in reality back on few years.
and true, whenever i see reality my tears won't stop! I forgot how to hide my tears, how shameful!
this month when i see on mirror every morning, my eyes keep wet after crying in the night.
it is not something i proud but i am so happy. it's wrong dream i am surround by love of people who think of me. i think i still on dream. but yeah, it's fact! they are now here. it's too real.

lately i pass bad omen in the work field ! and i have confidence i can do everything with this feeling. yeah, even i am alone & no one believe me, as long as i have thought to protect you, that lonely is just small obstacle! i still can stand alone & keep walking like usual!


thank you for giving me this chance for loving you & giving me bless!
I won't run from this promise, I will stay on your side even it's bitter & hurt.


Note : I know I am stupid. I can simply think of myself & won't care you since you are independent one who extremely stubborn & center-self, you are out of my type...but you deserve to be protect cause you always holding yourself! it just give my eyes & heart hurt when see you act like you are fine. you hiding your wound. do you think i am super naive & stupid? do you think i don't notice that? even i am timid
& not strong as you are, I know you hide it!
I will make sure my duty is to protect you is real. because you change me.
right now i am turn into your type. i am trying to be. i hide my tears & put my smile face in front of you. just little i can do for you, but i am trying again if i fail.
until you feel safe.
thank you for everything you offer to me & I think i will keep going with you.