I think i was going after the wrong things for long enough. I tried to make friends with folks here for way more time than i should. With ... less than desirable results. I wasted time not only mine, but others as well. For what? For 5 minutes of small talk before getting long, soul-crushing, radio silence. I know, with time zone diffrences, personal matters and everything of the sort, stayin in touch is hard. and for me, being a continent away from majority of people here... it's way too hard. Too much effort for no pay-off. If i put a tenth of attention i put, for example on gaia, into meeting someone... I would probably have significant other by now... heck i might even got married.

Will I manage to stay faithful to my conviction? or will i crawl back into this pointless routine tommorow? I can't tell by now, but i sure hope the changing point starts now.

[Written in rageful clarity]