------I really don't know how to explain my previous sentence. But if you don't know yet. I sorta dropped out of college. Sorta because I'm planning to go back this fall, but for at least a year I left due to the fact that I wasn't enjoying what I was doing. For the first time in my life in that one year, I felt dead. Dead in a way that I was stagnant. I was just trying to survive the days there were no goals nor gears in motion that were turning that pushed me. There was no growth only complacency. And perhaps if you had known me years ago you'd know I was a fully blown nihilist. I was enticed by nihilism in my own stylized way. That RNG or the universe came to existence due to chance, and every action I took did not matter. I did not care had a car hit me while I was biking. I did not care about overdosing in sleeping pills due to the stresses of class and heartbreak.
------But there is a newfound part of me that's combating my nihilism. It is a hard internal struggle that crushes my heart as of this moment even talking about it. It's hard to get out of mindset that I've been in for seven years. And In a way I guess this entry is a plea for help. I ask of you to understand me and tell me that I'll be okay. And If you're stuck in this existential crisis yourself, you're not alone. We'll make it out together. I guess I'll end it with a lyric from one of my favorite songs:
The chance, the fate, what brought us to now
We can't help but to admire its beauty
To feel, to see, to create, to dream
It is our duty to live while we can
Thanks for reading, This is Anikacy, and you're not alone.