I actually had a really great weekend 3nodding
Last week on Wednesday, I hit up Calvin. I remembered that he moved back to Philadelphia and I was thinking that I need to be more social and interactive with fellow black, preferably gay, 20-somethings so I decided to set up a date with him either that week or the next. He responded that he was busy this weekend but free next week and my nosy a** asked him where he was going. He told me that he was going to Analiese's birthday brunch in Baltimore with bowling afterward and asked if I wanted to come as his +1. 3nodding
When he initially invited me, I was kind of excited. I definitely needed to be around old college folk. It's always this very real camaraderie around any of my 20-somethings that graduated from Temple. I asked Rob, he was cool with it, and I was good too since it was a day trip that I didn't have to drive for blaugh
I woke up at 7:30am-ish and we got to the restaurant at around...11am. Analiese and them didn't show up until noon gonk But by then I was two mimosas in. Brunch was at Barcocina at the Baltimore Harbor with some old, familiar faces and some people she used to work with.
After brunch we went back to her apartment, watched LHHATL and discussed all of the black movies and programming that we could....the films Moonlight and Get Out sparked an enhanced type of commentary due to the very nature and subject matter of the films...which I lowkey love.
After Ana's apartment, we left (at around 7pm) to go to Towson and eat at Bonefish Grill. Kebri's parents showed up and ended up paying for all of our meals, bless their heart heart heart I remember having anxiety with parents around but my head was hurting too much to drink (no one...actually...ordered alcohol rofl ) but I ordered a delicious shrimp & scallop with broccoli and green beans. I think the greens and water really helped my headache go away by the end of dinner.
Afterward, Cal and I hit the road. I was back home by like...1am-ish.
At dinner, I had the pleasure of having a very real and honest conversation. Analiese was very open about going to therapy and I asked what made her seek a professional and how she found one, she proceeded me the story. Basically, when she first moved to Baltimore in August, she wasn't happy and she knew something was wrong (in addition to a past that involves depression and anxiety). She then described this process as "dating" when you have to find someone that's going to work for you and it may take a few different people until you find the one. I remember asking her if she felt it was cumbersome....she said yes. Ugh.
All of this has me contemplating "happiness"...what does it look like for me? What does it feel like? Smell like? I'm still unsure if I buy this whole, "Happiness is a choice" bs. Happiness is a feeling, feelings are the result of outside stimuli...if you're not happy with your surroundings and the thoughts flowing through your mind...then you can choose to be happy all you want, but it will come of as hollow and quite inauthentic - especially in my case. I oftentimes wear my feelings on my sleeve, despite how I might try to mask it. They said fake it till you make it, but how long do I have to fake it? sweatdrop
Anyway, all of these are just quick, random raw thoughts at work...I'd love to go into Happiness a bit more in the next post. What does it look like? What stressors are keeping me from it? What's the best way to overcome them? I guess we'll see.
Music: "Afraid to Cry (Hardest Moment) - Mario
· Mon Mar 20, 2017 @ 07:48pm · 0 Comments