Grandma and Grandpa - you guys are alright. I like and respect you both. Grandma is great. I ******** love you Grandma. You're the god-damned best. Grandpa - respect women and minorities a little more, please. You're smart enough to know better - so start acting a little more like you're not living in the 1950s. You know better, man... I like you a lot, but you ******** know better. It's one thing to be old and kinda bigoted because you grew up when it was socially acceptable to be a racist, but that only excuses bigotry when you're also pathetically stupid. You're not stupid... So stop it.
Uncle #1 - you're alright too. I used to think you were the meanest one, but you're actually the nicest. I think you're the best person out of all my aunts and uncles. You're the only one I don't actually ******** hate. I like you. You sometimes think you know more than you do, but that's okay. Everyone is kinda pretentious sometimes. At least you're a good person. That's what counts.
Uncle #2 - ******** you. I hope to never see you ever again. You might literally be the worst person I have ever met. I ******** hate you.
Uncle #3 - ******** you also. How have you lived this long?
Uncle #4 - you're not actually my uncle. One day you'll exit our family for good and I'll never see your ******** face again. And I won't give a damn.
Aunt #1 - ******** you. You are an in-genuine, suck-up, fake bigot with a superiority complex. You have absolutely no reason to feel you are better than anyone, because you're ******** terrible. I kind of never want to see or speak to you ever again.
Aunt #2 - ******** you. You're a rude, violent bigot and I have never liked you. I don't think you've ever said anything to me that wasn't shitty.
Cousin #1 - ******** you. You also are pretentious and have an unfounded sense of superiority. You're a really shitty person. You're dumber than I thought, but still smart enough that you should know better than to be a piece of s**t.
Cousin #2 - kinda ******** you. It's hard to be too angry with you when your stupidity is so ******** intense. You come across as really racist and shitty, but I also know you're so dumb that you really might not mean to be so hateful. It's still frustrating though.
Cousin #3 - you're alright
Cousin #4 - you're ******** awesome. I wish we were better friends still like when we were kids, because you're just god damn great. I respect you a whole hell of a lot. I think you've got life figured out better than literally anyone I know.
Cousin #5 - you're really dumb, man... Really, really dumb. It's difficult to take you seriously, but if I were to do so, I'd say you're a complete b*****d. Since you're so dumb though, maybe that's not a fair conclusion.
Cousin #6 - somehow you became one of my favorite cousins even though as a child and younger teen you irritated me a lot and were one of the dumbest kids I knew. That's how ******** terrible the other ones are. You're pretty much alright though. You've grown up to be better than you were. Don't know how that happened.
Cousin #7 - you're also really dumb and you probably have no ******** hope of growing into anything other than a sociopathic, misogynistic racist like your father. Sorry. You've been doomed since birth.
I hope you've all enjoyed your letters. See you later, except the ones I will do my best to continue avoiding until one of us is dead (I mean any one of us - any of the family... I'm sure we'll all attend the ******** funeral... I'll try to avoid most of you then too though, you ******** cunts.)
Queequeg89 · Mon Mar 06, 2017 @ 04:55am · 0 Comments |