It is a little (or a lot) past 2:30 in the morning and I should really be studying for my final today, but I'm not. I'm here, in my world, Lucia's World (the name of this journal).
I've yet to update you guys on my new life.
Or, rather, this new chapter of my regular ol' life.
My last chapter started a little under seven months ago and ended a little over one month ago. How time flies. How I should really study for that final because time flies. How I shouldn't worry too much since time flies.
I need to introduce to you guys this character in my life named Mr. Train. He (yes, he) requested that I immortalize him by another title, but I've yet to think of a decent replacement. So far, I've come up with Chew Toy or Pacifier, but they both kinda suck.
Anyhow, the Shadow still haunts me day by day. I mean, of course, that's why I call it my shadow. It's always there, lurking in the background. It's been... kinder, I want to say, but truly "more lenient" is more accurate. My breakdowns have not stopped (I've accepted the fact that they may not ever stop), but their frequency has decreased.
Significantly, I might add.
They've diminished because the absence of my Root Beer has starved the Shadow, but they've diminished significantly because someone is fighting it.
Even right now. I feel the Shadow's grasp on my heart, my hands. I might succumb to the Shadow tonight, I'm not sure. I would be sure if I was alone. I would be crying right now if I was alone. The Shadow would win again tonight if I was alone.
But I'm not alone, not right now. Not really alone, anyhow.
Mr. Train is here~! Well, not here-here. Not in the physical realm. He's with me in the same world where the Shadow stalks me. My mind, perhaps, but a lot of people are in my mind and where Mr. Train keeps me company presently, there exists only him, me, and my Shadow. What do you call that world?
Mr. Train is here as white noise, sometimes more but not less.
He's here as reassurance, like a shield against the slings and arrows of my Shadow.
He's here as a set of pleasant memories. A cushion of warmth. A human hug.
Because he's here, the Shadow struggles to reach me and I am so grateful for that. Thank you, Mr. Train!
That's really all I wanted to say for now. A short word of appreciation to Mr. Train. cat_4laugh
(A more formal introduction of Mr. Train is in progress, btw!)
To end off this entry, some song lyrics:
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose you never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs
Just to break my own fall
Okay, welp, back to studying! yum_puddi
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