you're caught between a world where it's safe
and no one is there to hurt you
but you don't want to be alone
you want somewhere there with
it's being stuck in between a cough and a sneeze
wanting to let go
but you're not sure what's more painful
scratching your throat
or burning you nasal airways.
you want to tell them how much it hurts
but you can't.
you can't bring yourself
to care enough about your own well being
to sacrifice the chance that someone may not
[does that even make sense?]
you tell yourself don't let it get to you.
don't show her how broken down you are.
but you can't help it
you can't help the void she left inside you
this deep dark divide that's split you so far down
you're not even sure where the middle is
everywhere around you
people are smiling
so what the ******** is wrong with you
why are you so shattered
what made you think you could be
you're scared of yourself
if defenestrating yourself wasn't enough
now you care so little about yourself
that nothing can make it better
nothing can show you someone cares.
you know that
it almost doesn't matter.
the cold air on your skin is refreshing.
it matches what it feels like inside.
yet you feel the burn of vomit climbing its way up your esophagus.
you feel this illness scratching at your core.
you're trapped in your own mind
making your own fears
living out your own nightmares.
how can you hope to recover when your broken bones
were the only escape
the only excuse
to not feel anything else?