I've been in a relationship with this really wonderful guy for 2 months, some odd weeks and some odd days... actually it says how long we've been together in my signature. In the time of us being together we've gotten to meet and be together in person a total of 3 times. In fact... he's supposed to be "moving" here for three months and than once the three months are up I'm "moving" with him back to his home state of MD for 6 months. However this whole plan was supposed to be in effect today, however, he's still in MD waiting on a package to arrive and he says he's not coming until said package arrives. I get why he's waiting, I wouldn't trust my own family either after the s**t I saw him go through for the entire week I stayed with him and his family. If his family was mine.
I love my boyfriend and yes I understand that it's "to soon" to love someone but I do love him. I'm madly in love with him to be honest.
Anyways, back to the reason I'm making this, I don't trust my boyfriend entirely. Only for the fact that in the past he's said and done things that have made me sad and not happy. He's broken promises, he's lied to me and yet we've managed to move on from the past. That isn't the full reason behind why I'm unable to fully trust him. He's really a great guy, he's amazing and he loves me. He doesn't care that I'm over weight, he doesn't see anything but my personality and that is why he and I are together.
I will admit that the other reason I might not be able to trust him fully is because of the fact that my past relationships have all turned out to be horrible. I can't fully trust him because I feel as if he might turn out to be like my first ex husband, mentally abusive. But a much bigger part of me knows that my boyfriend would never, ever do that. He's to kind hearted to do that to me and he knows I wouldn't put up with that s**t again. My second ex husband tried to change who I am as a person. And, again, I feel as if my boyfriend would try to change who I am and, again, I know he would never do that. I know he likes who I am as a person, he supports me and the things I wish to do with my life. He's... amazing as I've said before.
I realize I'm acting clingy and yet scared at the same time. I feel as if I have relationship anxiety due to my crappy relationship past and I understand that I need to get over it and I realize I should fully trust him and I know that, eventually, I'll be able to do so. But right now... I don't know what to do...
I don't want my relationship anxiety to ruin what I have with this man... but what if it does? What if me being to clingy, to in need of his reminder that he loves me, to in need of his hold and touch gets the better of him and he can't handle the way I am due to my past? However, what if my relationship anxiety never goes away? Will he be able to put up with it?
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