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Aw man, it's been AGES! I've been on Gaia since I was a wee teen. It was the first thing I ever signed up for when I got my first computer (not counting email). My friends in school told me ALL about it. I probably had more friends from school on here than I do fingers. I've been profile hopping for a while. I believe I've have 4 or 5 profiles since 2003.
I ran a guild with my second partner, Batoussai. It was for Minnesota people, mostly so our classmates could keep in touch. But, as I gained more friends on Gaia who lived there or wanted to visit, we had more people come in. Then the convention, Anime Detour, started up. More people at the con found us. We easily had 2k people in there: playing games, RPing, giveaways, staying connected.
Gaia was an escape for me. Most of you from my old account will remember growing up with me during my teens and seeing me post some heartbreaking things. What you all didn't know was that my step dad, the cause for most of my depressing posts, was also molesting me. From about 12/13 to just before I turned 18; a legal adult. It still haunts me to this day and I will eventually be seeking therapy. I've only just within this year started telling people, I was too terrified to do anything back then.
I was 19 when Batoussai and I broke up. The way it ended sucked, but it was for the best. He turned out to be a creepy stalker and tried to make me choose my friends or him. About halfway through our relationship, I realize I was attracted to women. So I thought maybe I was bi, since I still found some men physically attractive. I finally attended a Detour 'solo' and not only fell hard for a girl I'd just met, but had a girl that had been talking to me for a few months prior ask me out. In dating her and the crush I had on the other girl, it finally dawned on me that I was never attracted to men like that in the first place. It only took me so long to figure it out because homosexuality was not something talked about in my home growing up. I kinda lived under a rock. It also didn't help that, while I was in school, there really wasn't any girls I could have seen myself with, so it was easier to overlook.
I relationship hopped for a bit, just being so happy at this newfound revelation in my life. I dated Yuki, my first girlfriend, for about a month. The distance bothered me after a while, so we broke up, but said she'd still be there if I changed my mind. Then I went into an open relationship with DarkAlchemistNinja and Ra. I found out, quite quickly I might add, that I don't share well. That ended and I went back to Yuki. This distance no longer bothered me and I felt a much stronger connection than before.
Yuki proposed to me via messenger. I felt it was an odd way to do it and I felt uncomfortable. I told her to give me time and I'd have my answer when we saw each other again. Things had gone well for the next half a year or so. I told her yes when I saw her. I was engaged for a grand total of 2 days, since the moment that ring went on my finger, she treated me like crap that whole weekend. I broke everything off after two weeks to think about it.
Jumped almost immediately after that into a relationship with Magpie. It went at a comfortable pace for me, her being worried about me waiting on her while she was in school. We dated for a short period of time before she realized we weren't compatible enough to make it work.
All through my adult years, the abuse continued. The sexual had stopped, but the physical, mental and emotional was still quite prevalent. There was also the fear of becoming homeless due to being a lesbian, as he thought quite poorly of gay people. But then, as luck would have it, I fell for Velocity Keystone, the first person I felt I could bring home to my family. So I finally came out to my parents at the age of 21/22. Velocity and I had a slow paced relationship and it was quite nice.
Over the span of this year, my step dad started being sexually creepy with me, things like hugging me while I wore nothing and insinuating that he wanted to make out with me. When I told Velocity this, as I'd told them about the molestation, they freaked out and put plans into gear to move me out. We'd already been planning for a year to live together in the near future, but this was an emergency and it was spur of the moment. It wasn't an ideal living situation, but it worked for the moment. I moved out this past summer and went 4 hours away to my new home.
Everything was hard. Between behaviors I'd picked up from the abuse, dealing with the new surroundings, Velocity pulling away from me, coming down sick for about two weeks and my own sleep schedule, my roommate threatened to kick me out at least 3 times. The DAY I got my new job, Velocity broke up with me and it was the WORST feeling in my life. Not only was I now in a place where there was a memory ALL over town, my life was in chaos again due to my abandonment phobia. I pretty much had to start all over again, after JUST starting to get my life together. It was especially painful because Velocity was my strongest pillar of support and it just crumbled underneath me. I went through a period of time thinking we might get back together, because it was all so sudden. When that was obviously not going to happen, I thought maybe if I waited, things would change. Or, at the very least, things would be easier for me.
And now I'm here. Velocity and I had an argument that, again, triggered the abandonment issues. So I temporarily closed down my FaceBook so I could de-stress and not deal with them. Figured Gaia was a safe bet. And it seems a lot more fun than the last time I was here like 3 years ago. So I might actually stick around this time.
Wish me luck!~
Kurama Babe · Fri Dec 18, 2015 @ 12:33am · 0 Comments |
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