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So, this is about Diddy Diddlin', the act of masturbating to Diddy Kong...
So, this is about Diddie Kiddlin', the act of...
So, dis here b aboot Kiddy Diddlin', the act o' strokin' it to Kiddy Kong...
No, but srsly, this is aboot Kiddie Diddlin', the act o' rubbin' ur genitals on a 7 year old.

"Kiddie Diddling" has to be one of my least favorite phrases. It just sounds dumber than what I post here. Anyway, Child ********, the proper sounding term, is the topic for this illustrious evening. As everyone knows, I don't give a s**t what happens to anyone or their kids, but this is about the kind of slippery slope dat lead to me not giving a s**t.

So so, it appears that some sort of "sexual trauma" happened to meh when I was little. Well, no it didn't, but that's apparently the cause of how I became this Glorious Being of Eternity according to psycho-lol-ogists. Dat's where this begins. If we assume this is correct in dat rapin' meh turned meh into dis Objectively Awesome Creature, then I should have no objection to anyone rapin' ur kids if it too leads them into being like me. If rapin' meh lead to someone impossible to convert into any stupid religion, then rape should happen to every child.

Obvs dat isn't true, but ******** it. Let's build off of this Rape Pyramid of Sexual Ponzi Schemez into moar reasons why I will never care.

If sexually assaulting a 3 year old turns him into a *****, then...
Alright, if rapin' a 7 year old leads to them wanting to ******** a 7 year old, then:
Rapin' a 12 year old will make them want to ******** 12 year olds, then:
Rapin' a 16 year old (male) will make him want to ******** Japanese Sailor Moon Schoolgirls of around the High School Sophomore Year, so:
Rapin' a rapist will make 'em desire the age range at which Eh was raped at.

I'm too good for this existence; I need a medal in Ultimance. It's a word.

Now, onto moar s**t about Kiddie Diddling.

The general behavior of the majority when they see someone beating on someone is pretty much to just stand around like retards and watch, possibly recording it. There be some assessment that they're "desperate" to assist, but not really. They probz feel like they'll "help" wrong & get sued. They try to tell me they're "desperate" to assist on tryin' to stahp the Child ********, but by how much of an actual difference? Well, they make a lot moar topics aboot how "bad" it be on the internet. I'm guessing the reaction time would be... actually, they probably wouldn't even try.

Alright, so here's the scenario. There's this guy with a 1-year-old's coochie planted firmly around his Goldmember who's aboot ta splooge. Your job is to go over and try ta, kinda, like, maybe, tackle this guy or somethin' similar. This Delicious Loli is covered in glorious c**k juice all over the place. The kid can easily be picked up by Kiddie Diddla, and if anything actually happens to Kiddie Diddla, dat kid might go flying and smash 'er face off o' somethin'. Of course, ur going ta hav ta touch this kid & possibly this guy which are like covered in White Grape Juice.

B4 ya say "EW" to touchin this c**-stained baby-kins, dat's wut ya get 4 not bein' mentally prepared 4 this activity. There's this half naked guy that has this sloppy little 1-year-old with the Money Shot all over 'er face and a flaccid, half inch p***s danglin' there with some liquid remarks all over & his pants around his ankles. Ur job, as teh big, tuff, kiddie diddler killer, is ta go over there and retrieve the c** stained child off o' Captain Flaccid b4 Eh decides Eh's holding a football & Eh just got a touchdown. Try not ta cry & puke everywhere, bruh.

So, where was this rape occurring? It don't matta; could be a park or ur bedroom. See, ya hit him over the head with something, then Eh fell over onto the babeh. This made his pen0r go in deepar, rupturing the inside of whatever hole Eh was explorin', or Eh just fell right on top o' the Babeh & broke 'er neck. Be careful, now; don't want ya ta get another lawsuit for helpin' incorrectly. I'm 1000% positive dat due to ur "morality" & general psychological inferiority dat dis guy will either go from start to finish with u just standin' there like a complete ********' idiot, powerless & stupid, or you'll wind up screwin' everythin' up. You'll definitely be needin' moar therapy than you keep claimin' I need, bruh.

Now that we got the Toddlercon Express out of the way, for kiddie diddlers in general, how much have u actually invested in this? You've got a "registry" that barely works for any purpose other than to provide everyone with fairly outdated information, a "safe haven" somewhere in Florida provided by a church of some s**t & numerous, pseudo-nonymous bitchers on the intarnetwebz that mean practically nothing to just about everyone else, including themselves. They all have one common, slippery slopey mindset; if we do X, more Wild ***** will appear, & we don't have enough Pokeballz.
"Moar gays will mean moar diddie diddlin'!!!1"
"Moar cousin ******** rednecks will lead to moar *****"
"Moar Muslimfags will lead to moar ***** cuz Muhammad was a kiddie diddler dat diddled the kiddles!!!1111"
"Moar daddy dommers will lead to moar diddlin'!!11"

"A diddlin' we will go, yo. A diddlin' we will go."

Obvs the word "*****" roughly means "child", so ***** = child-phile. Technically, calling ***** "*****" just means ur callin' dem "children". U c w0t I did thar? It's grammatically incorrect, but no one actually cares. Abortionistas may suffer from *****, but that's a ridiculously unheard of term that no one thinks would exist that just got red-lined by c**k-suckin' Spellchecker, & everyone is now ridiculously stumped & wonder how I can concoct such beautiful things.

Now, outside of tryin' ta tell me desperately not to Diddle ur Kiddles, ur s**t-faced demon-spawn dat I want nowhere near my Luminous Body, w0t actual experience do any of you actually have in actually confronting and/or actually converting any actual *****, actually? If ya can't prevent Adam Lanza's Kiddie Killin', ya sure as ******** can't stop "unknown persona that u never specifically name" from Kiddie Diddlin'. Ya tried so desperately to fixate the motive on the last Killin' Sprees & continue to fail, but for the peeps whose lives neither the medja nor you bother to look for to be able to name any of the ******** specifically, u somehow think u can prevent the slew of Diddlin' Sprees? Ya can't even prevent the pyromaniacs' arson sprees, the serial killers & whatnot, but u want to put Diddlin' on some kind o' imbecilic slippery slope level with zero care to actually study the ********?

Always: "Unrelated Topic X will lead to moar Kiddie Diddlin'!"
Nevar: "Kiddie Diddlin' will lead to moar Unrelated Topic Y!1"

Okay, now w0t will moar Kiddie Diddlin' lead to? If there was moar Delectable Diddlin', I think we'll have moar people whining on the internet about it who have 0 psychological skillz compared to a basement dweller. Ur kids are pretty much smaller versions of u, and u don't deserve to touch mah glory. Now ya see, all ya gotta do is make the Diddlers have a similar mindset. Done; Diddlin' over. Now go ******** off b4 I contact some Dodgin' d**k Diddlers.