Dear Gaia,
This past Monday was a heart-breaking day. I received a call from my mother during her lunch break only to receive the news that my favorite aunt, who was currently in the hospital due to kidney stones, had miscarriage. She was 5 months pregnant when she lost the baby. She was a high risk pregnancy from the very beginning, what with her diabetes, high blood pressure, and the kidney stones which she has had since she was 16 years old. But the most awkward thing of all is I myself gave birth to my first born son just 2 months ago. I remember her giving me the joyous news that she was going to have a boy, and all the cute planning we did. Thinking about play dates for when the boys were older, me accompanying her to a La Leche League meeting, or even having her join me in my group. They were going to be the best of friends: her son and mine.
But now only my son remains. And I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I have a living child, yet she lost hers half way there. I feel just awful, and I don't know what to do. Of course I'm going to be there for her, and I want to help her in any way I possibly can. Having decided to become a stay-at-home-mom has given me that advantage: I can actually help out where I am needed. However, I feel as if I can't take my son, because the mere sight of him might cause her a torrent of pain. I don't want her to look at my darling baby boy and think about the baby boy she lost. I'm also afraid of her feeling jealous. Of course, it wasn't her first child. She has a beautiful 4 year old daughter who is an absolute angel, and a real darling.
And yet another thing plagues me. What is she going to say to little Rose? How is Rosy going to feel when they tell her she is no longer going to be a big sister? I couldn't bear to see her sweet little face twisted with sadness. But I'll have to. I have to be there for them. For my Aunt, for Rose, and for my Uncle. Oh, my poor, poor uncle. He must feel so helpless. There was nothing he could do, and nothing feels worse than not having any sort of control over something like this.
God, I wish I know what to do...
 Angel_of_Silence69 · Thu Nov 05, 2015 @ 01:17am · 0 Comments |
