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------You're closed up and shut, not wanting to let anyone in. Afraid to get hurt again, afraid from monsters. I understand though, I sorta placed myself in that position once. I closed the heart and placed layers and layers of barriers, James himself can vouch for it. He is one of the people that helped me tear them down in the first place, along with some other people such as Anya, Selena, and so much more. I guess it makes sense, I'm inferring about a someone who may have broken your trust back then and you forced to make a cocoon for yourself. But this is information you have already told me. If only you open up to me more. But its kinda hard, I don't blame you. I mean I guess Its intimidating, after all information is power, and with the slightest bits, I can piece information and string them together. Which is why I knew I was losing you last summer, of course you managed to turn them that against me. And I had to repent, I had to breakdown, reforge myself and destroy those flaws. I knew you were looking else where, I mean after all, I got busy with a job, and I couldn't devote the time to you. And its alright, because I'm willing to bet that last person you were with in a serious relationship, probably ******** you up to the point where your heart needs that constant attention. After all, I've been there... Its stupid of me really, as I have already calculated everything and the statistic of us working out is relatively low. But its stupid to rationalize feelings...

------We're probably just afraid of one another, even though I try my best to open up to you. You're probably afraid of losing, because I work with other females, like that Ani model, and The Blair Rose, on projects and I get to spend time with them unfortunately more than you. You probably don't trust me... because I over analyze things, and I'm always thinking ahead. Based on the stars, you probably do that too; But I don't believe in zodiacs. But I could be wrong, and you may have already have someone else, and maybe you just like to mess with my head. You know I have already deeply invested my feelings to you. And I feel as if I'm not getting a return investment. I'm trying my best believe me. Just please tell me what I can do, because I feel as if I'm talking towards a rock right now. If you don't feel the same, just say so. Ask me anything, I'd love to answer, because I'm opening everything just so I can get closer. In hopes of getting closer.

------But no... It doesn't work like that. And a huge part of me wants to cut you off my life due to the detrimental tendencies of a mental state due to unrequited love. Because to be honest, I wonder sometimes if I'm just like you. In the way that maybe I need that constant attention too. Maybe because that first person I was with ******** me over too, and maybe that's the reason why I looked elsewhere a lot, leaving me to be discarded multiple times. Its possible, but that makes me a hypocrite because I hate being suffocated. I wonder what I did wrong, because I'm trying so hard. But "letting you go is possibly one of the hardest things I ever have to do," In an allusion to yesterday's entry.

This is Anikacy, bye for now.