To everyone that ever lied to me or didn’t see me...
Last night, I was held and kissed and loved for the first time. I was made to feel like I’m worth a damn, because you know what I am.
The way he looked at me, like I was seen for once in my life. The way he held my hand, his fingers entwined with mine. Even those small things, they’re not insignificant to me.
Just waiting for him in the dark, I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t nervous. I just wanted to be close to him; I didn’t want to be alone anymore.
When he found out that I’d never even been kissed before, he didn’t pull away instead he taught me a few things. Just kissing him felt right, I enjoyed having the taste of him on my lips. Everything we did, he made sure that it was ok. Didn’t want to push me too far but it was all ok and it all felt so good, so right.
But it wasn’t just about being loved; it was also getting to know the amazing person that he is.
He treated me like...like I’m somebody worth knowing. Somebody worth being loved. He made me feel so safe and happy. Even when I got sad, he didn’t pull away, instead he held me close. Kissed me, made me smile once more. Even just lying there in his arms, it felt good. It felt right.
I’m glad he was my first. I felt touched when he said that he should have been so lucky to have had me as his first. It was a perfect first time; he was perfect.
I wouldn’t change a single thing about that night; wouldn’t have asked for more.
Even later, when my tears came again, when the pain and the exhaustion got too much, he held me, caressed my face and wiped away my tears. Even though sleep barely came to me, just being with him, lying beside him, I felt better.
In the morning, no regrets came to me. I could never regret having someone so wonderful, so beautiful, so gentle and caring love me. Even in the car trip home, his hand once more entwined with mine, I couldn’t regret.
The kiss goodbye was like all his kisses; tender. Hours later and I could still taste him on my lips.
The day passed and just thinking of him...of us, it made me smile. I thought about the way his lips felt against mine, against my skin and the way his hands felt; so soft and gentle.
Even the texts he sends, how he worries how little I l sleep; it’s a touch of caring that I’ve never known from someone that isn’t a friend of family member. When he asks me if I’m ok; I tell him the truth whereas with anyone else, I would lie and say that I’m fine but I don’t want to lie to him, not even in the smallest way.
Just reading back through or messages, even the sexier ones, it all makes me smile.
I can’t quite explain it but there was something about him, a certain spark perhaps that made me pull towards him more than the others I was talking to on Oasis.
He is...well there’s not a single word I could use to describe him. I could use many words to describe him and I hope one day that I can use a singular word for him, but really to reflect on it, there is a word I can use to describe him...Matt.