Well, I'm going back to my old job in two weeks. And for the next two weeks I'm going to be slaving myself at a telemarketing job, hopefully making some overtime if I can. But I gotta pass a drug test tomorrow - and for the first time, I'm having to cheat it. I feel like a bad girl, but what can I do? It's not like the medicine helps, or the therapy, or anything. Nothing helps. And it's definitely not going to help, having to go back to a job that I despise, simply because we need the money. I feel so alone and so helpless sometimes. I feel like I know I'm going to fail, simply because I know I'm not good enough. Just because he said so. I'm so tired. I don't know how I can keep going on like this, never knowing, always, always always having to go below my standards just to scrape by. It's not right. I need my father back, but he's never coming back. He's dead forever, and now there's nothing left but an evil, poisoned monster.