i do not want to pay 9000+ for my tuition. i ******** hate how god damn expensive these schools are. just kinda glad im not in the US where i might as well as go work in a mcdo

i dont like thinking about the future. i dont know what the future me is gonna be able to achieve. i dont know how long it's gonna take me to pay off my student debt, i dont know if in may everything in my boursary and loan file will be alright, and i can continue recieving support. because i need it, despite not wanting it, and if that goes wrong, well my whole family is gonna be in some deep s**t

im not the best at my classes. i dont care. im not a prodigy so i work slow. so yeah. but will working like that grant me a good paying job in the future? i dont know. im not scared, my brain isnt reacting to it. probably it's cause it's so far, im not feeling pressured. yeah, 不见棺材不落泪, that's how i'm living life. one day im gonna ******** up my life for that.

i lack care in everything i do, i dont even know. sometimes i wonder if i even have a soul.

im willing to work though, the problem is starting to do it. if anything, i'd be one of those people who over work and hoard all my money, and die at the age of 30 lol. i dont work out, i eat like s**t, i dont have a healthy sleeping scheduel.... there isn't an ounce of positive feature on me. im always a pretty positive, and open person, but probably deep down i just don't care, and i take everything too lightly. i do everything for the sake of passing and not for the sake of doing my best.

i worry myself but at the same time i'm not. my heart is telling me to start worrying but my brain isn't acting on it.

it's tirering to think about how much a failiure i am