I've been crying over this for so many years now.

As bad as it is, I loved my older brother. Not in a familial way, a romantic one. I loved him ever since I was a kid. In my heart, I knew I never would, or could, be with him.

Even then, I still loved him.

We did everything together. He saved me so many times when I was in danger, because I always loved following him around. I almost drowned, got hit by a car, etc. I was a high maintenance child, but he didn't care. He told me he thought it was cute that I loved him so much.

Then, he got a girlfriend. Tall, athletic, nice, smart, and beautiful. I was crushed.

Our distance grew farther and farther. He stopped caring about me. Every time I would try to do something with him, he ignored me or told me I was bothering him. So I took another approach and tried to get along with his newly acquired girlfriend. The problem was, she didn't like me, and my brother made sure that I knew she didn't.

I cried. For days, weeks, years. It's been about 5 years since they started dating, and I've come to terms with the fact that they will probably never break up.

I know incest is looked down upon. Everyone always cracks jokes about inbred children and it hurts me, because I almost went down that path.

I've had many relationships to try and counteract my love for him, but to no avail. All my relationships end in flames, and my love doesn't waver.

But even now, I can't see my brother as my brother. I see him as someone I love. Someone I want to hold and be with for the rest of my life. But I can't. We're almost 9 years apart, and he has a girl that he loves. A girl who can make him happier than I ever could.

Most people would say, love has no bounds. In my case, it's like there's an indestructible wall between us.

There's a part of me that wishes I could just, forget. Forget everything. All my love and feelings for him. All the memories we've made together. Everything. Then there's another part that wishes I wasn't related to him.That I could be with him with no worries about being mocked and ridiculed about it. But all I can do is wish that he'll be happy with his girlfriend.

Ending ranty rant.